Kirk: My girlfriend's the whore! My girlfriend's the whore! Woo-hoo! Yeah.

Lorelai: Great, now I'm not even the town whore.
Luke: Well, if you like, I'll leave a little something on the dresser for you tonight.
Lorelai: It couldn't hurt.

Lorelai: [on the phone] From what I can gather, this woman made eyes at a British general, and the British general was feeling a little randy.
Rory: Such a salacious history our town has.
Lorelai: And she led him into her house and kept the fellow occupied.
Rory: Occupied his brains out, huh?
Lorelai: Hey, don't work blue.
Rory: Sorry.
Lorelai: But why do you think they didn't just kill him?
Rory: I don't know, maybe they knew that we would ultimately make peace with England and they wouldn't want to kill a potential great-great-grandfather of a Winston Churchill or a Benny Hill.

Rory: [on the phone] So you haven't said anything about our first snow.
Lorelai: That's right, I haven't.
Rory: Why? You don't sound so excited.
Lorelai: Snow and I had a bit of a bumpy ride today.
Rory: Bummer.
Lorelai: I blame myself. I may have been too needy with snow. Too clingy. So it had no choice but to push me away, create a boundary.
Rory: Snow and men have a lot in common.

Lorelai: I want it gone, gone!
Luke: I'm getting it gone.
Lorelai: But this is personal. I'm physically hurting the snow as I dig at it. I'm chopping into its stupid white face with my razor sharp fingernail claws and I'm delighting in it. I want it to suffer!

Lorelai: But snow has always protected me before. It's been a white blanket of love. We had a symbiotic thing going on.
Luke: Snow cannot protect you. Snow is frozen water falling out of the sky. And as for this car and this tree, you can predict it. It's gravity. There's four tons of snow on this tree. You park under it, gravity is going to come into play and take it out. It's basic physics.
Lorelai: I do not need a physics lesson right now, no matter how well it's intentioned!
Luke: Sorry.
Lorelai: It's over. Oh, yes, it is over!
Luke: What is?
Lorelai: Me and snow. We're through!
Luke: No, you're not!
Lorelai: It was years of bliss, you know? We had some good stuff, and good times. I could show you pictures of the snow angels I made. But I am done. Done!

Lorelai: And I am changing my cancellation policy at the inn.
Luke: Because of snow?
Lorelai: Yes.
Luke: From now on if anyone cancels for any reason that I don't agree with within two years of the date in question... No, no, make it three! Then, I am not going to refund their money and I'm going to kick them in the groin.
Luke: Geez.
Lorelai: But with my left foot. Because my right foot is still throbbing from being frozen in icy cold water which has effectively ended my foot modeling career.
Luke: Foot modeling is a dying art anyway.
Lorelai: I am with you now, buddy, a hundred percent.
Luke: With me on what?
Lorelai: Snow is nothing but annoying icy frozen water stuff that falls out of the sky at inconvenient times. It's Mother Nature's icy "Screw you, Lorelai Gilmore". It's just stupid stuff you have to shovel out of the way so customers can get into the inn. It's the stuff that melts and leaks through your roof. It's the stuff that stalls your car, it's the stuff that buries your car- Oh no! Snow, don't even try to make up with me now! You and me are through.

Lorelai: When did you get a dog?
Emily: She's not our dog.
Lorelai: No less confused.
Richard: And, it's a he.
Emily: The dog?
Richard: The dog is a boy.
Emily: I thought you said it was a girl.
Richard: I got another peek. It was rolling around on its back and it was painfully obvious.
Emily: They're so hairy down there.
Richard: This one especially.

Lorelai: Must you do that?
Rory: Do what?
Lorelai: Sip.
Rory: Sip? You object to sipping?
Lorelai: If it's done at a decibel level rivaling Louis Armstrong blowing a high 'C' then yes, I object.
Rory: I'll put my mute on.
Lorelai: Thanks, Satchmo.

Lorelai: Have you ever been this hung over? I mean, I don't want to know because I don't want to hear about it, but if you have, I am sorry. And if you haven't, maybe your life has been a little too sheltered. Good night.