Lorelai: Poor guy.
Sookie: He's only got two dress shirts.
Lorelai: Well, maybe a big old bloodstain will help him. People will think there was an assassination attempt and be more sympathetic.

Lorelai: Well, I guess I'll see you around. Next time you're at the inn, find me. We could have some coffee and chew the fat. Sounds like a disgusting combination, but anyway come by.

Rory: Well, the drink cart's over there, Grandma. We can grab the gin and vamoose.
Lorelai: No, she's got vamoose, remember? It's the gin we need.

Emily: He must have five packs of breath mints here. Why would a man need five packs of breath mints?
Lorelai: It could be the gorgonzola and onion diet he's on. It has its drawbacks.

Lorelai: Hey, my Petunia Pig plate and spoon. What's it doing here?
Emily: Oh, odds and ends wound up out here over the years.
Lorelai: This is not an odd nor an end. It's my Petunia Pig and I'm taking it.
Rory: It's not yours to take.
Lorelai: Dad's not using my Petunia Pig spoon.
Emily: I say take it.
Lorelai: Hey, Mom, what are we carrying our booty home in? Do you have a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it?

Rory: I have never seen Grandma so singularly obsessed about a piece of clothing.
Lorelai: Not since I wore my "Gas, Grass, or Ass - No one rides for free" t-shirt to the junior league spring tea.

Rory: [on the phone] Grandpa misses Grandma terribly.
Lorelai: Why? He say something like that?
Rory: I just know.
Lorelai: How?
Rory: Yesterday, when we had lunch on campus, Grandpa told me that he finished Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. Hmm? You see?
Lorelai: You want to de-Mensa the reference?
Rory: No one sits at home alone reading that book unless it's a class assignment. It just doesn't happen. It's a honking long book. It's clearly a cry for help.
Lorelai: You're very anti-intellectual.

Lorelai: See you have your nose in your Proust.
Richard: Yes, have you read him?
Lorelai: Oh, I tried once. Struck out. Whoa. That's a lot of Certs.
Richard: You know how that is. You pick one up, you forget you have it, you pick up another. The cycle continues.
Lorelai: Kind of like me and men.
Richard: What?
Lorelai: I don't know. Mom wasn't here, so there was a vacuum.

Lorelai: How have you been spending your time lately? Anything new and fancy?
Richard: Not really. I joined a barbershop quartet.
Lorelai: Aha.
Richard: What do you mean, "aha"?
Lorelai: And what does the barbershop quartet entail?
Richard: It's a musical group. We dress up in outfits.
Lorelai: Aha.
Richard: Stop saying that.
Lorelai: What kind of outfits?
Richard: Well, old-timey period things.
Lorelai: Straw hats, vests?
Richard: That kind of thing. And don't say "aha" again. It's loud.

Rory: What do you think?
Dean: First 25 minutes are pretty important. I agree.
Lorelai: But having Kirk reenact things can be pretty disturbing. He totally ruined Last Tango in Paris for me.
Rory: What are our options in place of Cool Hand, Kirk?
Kirk: I can offer you anything from the theater's library of films.
Lorelai: What have you got?
Kirk: A series of graphically violent driver's education films or The Adventures of Pippi Longstocking.