Lorelai: [on the phone] I'm so sorry you're a nut.
Rory: It's okay. I'm sure Dr. Shapiro has a nice padded room for me.
Lorelai: Don't let them put you on any of those pills. Tom Cruise will be very upset.

Rory: He does like me better.
Lorelai: Oh, you put bacon in your laundry.
Rory: Paul Anka likes me better. Paul Anka likes me better.
Lorelai: First Tony Danza tosses you the corsage, and now this. Get out here, you. Yeah. That's right. Avoid my glance there, buddy.
Rory: It's the sugar-on-the-toe thing. A dog never forgets his first sugar toe.

Sookie: How about a church wedding?
Lorelai: Maybe.
Sookie: Ooh, a beach wedding, huh? No shoes, Luke can wear shorts.
Lorelai: No. But I want to be with you when you pitch the shorts idea to Luke.

Sookie: Try this on, I dare you.
Lorelai: I think this is the one Divine turned down for being too over-the-top.

Rory: So, the elevator's getting fixed on Monday, but I'm thinking I may not even use it 'cause the stairs are excellent exercise. And I love having a hallway, you know. I've never had a hallway before. And I am really lucky that Paris and Doyle hadn't rented out that other room yet. I mean, this location is really in demand.
Lorelai: Really?
Rory: Oh, yeah. I mean, it is literally 10 minutes from campus. You know how hard I'm gonna have to work to be late for class?
Lorelai: Those guys down there, are they your neighbors?
Rory: Um, no. They're a doo-wop group.
Lorelai: You have some plutonium back there or something?
Rory: Uh, no, just Paris. She's quirky.

Woman: It's very nice.
Lane: It's one of a kind.
Woman: Will you take $250?
Lane: For that chair?
Woman: Well, it does have some nicks.
Lane: That chair is 200 years old, it's gonna have some nicks. It sat in James Madison's bedroom. This chair is a piece of history. We shouldn't even be allowed to sell it to you.
Woman: Well, I didn't mean to insult you.
Lane: You didn't insult me. You insulted the chair and the United States of America.
Woman: All right, $300's fine.
Lane: Forget it.
Woman: That's what the price tag says.
Lane: The price just went up, flag burner. If you want the chair, it's $350. If you don't, please leave, because I have a lot of work to do.

Mrs. Kim: You forgot to kick her in the pants as she walked out.
Lane: I made the sale, didn't I?
Mrs. Kim: Yes, but with less bite, a customer might come back.
Lane: You always drive a hard bargain.
Mrs. Kim: Yes, I do.
Lane: Okay, then.
Mrs. Kim: We do have a delivery service.
Lane: Yeah, me in a minivan. Not in the mood, no matter how exciting the prospect of a $2 tip is.
Mrs. Kim: Too bad it's not Christmas. That smiley face of yours would cheer up children for miles around.

Lorelai: Let's call Daddy, make him pay for an apartment with one lock.
Rory: No. Look, this is the way it's supposed to be. I am in college. Don't you see? I'm supposed to live in a crappy apartment. I'm supposed to eat ramen noodles and mac and cheese for months. I've been living in a pool house with maids and fresh-cut flowers and mints on my pillow every night.
Lorelai: You got to love my mother sometimes.
Rory: This is good and right, and I'm happy, and I have roommates who are learning to kill people. So where's the bad?

Lorelai: Planning a wedding shouldn't be easy because marriage isn't easy.
Rory: How do you know? You've never been married.
Lorelai: Exactly.
Rory: Exactly what?
Lorelai: I have never been married because it's not easy, and I usually freak out and screw everything up. I freaked out and screwed everything up with Max, remember?
Rory: Yeah, but-
Lorelai: But I haven't freaked out about Luke yet. Why haven't I freaked out about Luke yet? It's my pattern. It's what I do, and then I started freaking out about the fact that I hadn't freaked out.
Rory: You got caught in the circle of freak out.

Anna Nardini: We couldn't go the movies before 10:00 at night in case there were kids in the theater.
Luke: Well, kids talk during a movie, and they throw crap around. They run up and down the aisles. They're animals.
Anna Nardini: We would move tables in a restaurant if they seated us near a family.
Luke: Only if there was something crying or spitting up.
Anna Nardini: You would flip out if you saw a woman breast-feeding in public. You couldn't stand to watch diaper commercials. And you had an unnatural hatred of Macaulay Culkin.