Rory: You know, I read this article once about restaurants like this where they have an open bowl of mints that you grab on your way out. And when people come out of the bathroom, a lot of them don't wash their hands. They'll grab a mint and walk out, and people have studied the mints and they found traces of urine in them, so they're urine mints.

Luke: I mean dating. It's a horror.
Lorelai: It's the only cure for the singleness thing, barring ordering a spouse off the internet.
Luke: I missed nothing by not dating.
Lorelai: Not true.
Luke: If I had dated a lot, I'd still be single. I'd just have spent a lot of bad nights at Tony Roma's.

Emily: [on the phone] She said she couldn't help me out, but she wouldn't say why, so I leaned on her a bit. She cracked and said she'd made you certain promises.
Lorelai: Mom, I never told her she couldn't work for you.
Emily: She said you did.
Lorelai: Well, no. Our agreement was-
Emily: So there was an agreement.
Lorelai: Yes, but-
Emily: To exclude me?
Lorelai: No. Well, not exactly.
Emily: You know, Lorelai, perhaps it would be easier if you just gave me a list of the people I'm not allowed to have contact with. So far I know there's Natalie and Sookie and Luke on movie night. What about Richard? Am I still allowed to talk to my husband?

Rory: Tell me he didn't fall asleep during Casablanca.
Lorelai: No, we made it through Casablanca. He fell asleep during Hardbodies.
Rory: How do you fall asleep during a classic like Hardbodies?
Lorelai: There's no accounting for taste.

Rory: It just all seemed so forced. I mean, I felt like I was locked into the pointless societal ritual. There has to be another way.
Lorelai: Luke and I were debating that. Luke thinks it's all about gut instinct, you know instantly if a person is right for you. I think you have to go through a lot to find a contender. And you've been very lucky with boys before. They were just always sort of there, but I think for the most part, a girl's got to hunt a little.
Rory: And go through a lot of non-contenders.
Lorelai: Yes, then the non-contenders become your fun bad-date anecdotes. In fact, on your next date, if you're stuck for a topic, tell him about your bad date.
Rory: But what if that date is bad?
Lorelai: Then you have an anecdote for your next date.
Rory: And how long does this go on?
Lorelai: You've seen Grey Gardens. It could go on forever.

Rory: Oh, my God. You are gardening.
Lorelai: Yeah. Hello. I am gardening.
Rory: Why?
Lorelai: Because Babette bought me a bag of bulbs.
Rory: Why would she do that?
Lorelai: She thought that cultivating new life would help distract me from my current emptiness and sense of loss.
Rory: Huh. Well, that's weirdly sweet of her.
Lorelai: Yes, it was. Anyhow, I forgot about the bulbs 'til Babette brought them up this morning, so I dug them out of the garage.
Rory: Ew.
Lorelai: Where they've developed some sort of mold.
Rory: This is the planet of the mold.
Lorelai: Help me.
Rory: Mom, I'm no botanist, but I don't think anything's gonna grow from this piece of tar.
Lorelai: Just put it in the hole and cover it up.

Lorelai: I'm going to have color coming out of my yin-yang.
Rory: Well, then maybe you'll finally get a man.

Rory: Okay, so the next time that Babette gives you a bag of bulbs to plant because you're lonely, you say...
Lorelai: No, thank you.
Rory: Class dismissed.

Marty: I was just so relieved that I could finally approach you.
Rory: Why couldn't you approach me?
Marty: Well, that night was really humiliating, so every time I saw you after that, I just hid. But then when I saw you show up this morning like that, I thought, here's my chance to even the playing field.
Rory: Marty, this is not as embarrassing as being totally naked.
Marty: No, it's not. But it's close.
Rory: Um... Well, consider the playing field leveled.

Luke: Why can't you respect the rules of my diner?
Lorelai: I do respect the rules of your diner. It's that baseball cap I have issues with.