Emily: We have to do something. I brought flowers over and can't find a decent vase. All I could find was a ceramic Betty Boop head.

Lorelai: Mom, stop it. What is so horrible about this room?
Emily: Look at it.
Lorelai: I am. I like it.
Emily: Well, you may like it, but your grandmother will not. She's going to take one look around here at the junk store collection of hobo furniture and she's going to blame me.
Lorelai: For what?
Emily: For letting you live like this. For not teaching you better. For not redecorating while you're out of town.
Lorelai: We're never out of town.
Emily: For not sending you out of town so I could redecorate!
Lorelai: Mom, you don't believe that.
Emily: Everything that's wrong in your life is my fault. Everything that's wrong in your father's life is my fault. Basically, everything's that wrong is my fault.

Rory: I'm finished being your go-between. You're a jerk, and if you wanna play it this way, then fine. All bets are off. I'm no longer your ally. You wanna play rough – fine. I've read The Art of War. I can be just as big a pain in your butt as you are in Paris', capiche?
Francie: You do not wanna be my enemy, Marlo Thomas.
Rory: I think I do, Tina Louise.

Lorelai: Okay, so monkey lamp's in the closet, singing rabbi's in a drawer, and all Spice Girl memorabilia's under your bed. How do I look?
Rory: Like a woman who does not own any Spice Girl memorabilia.

Jess: I'm going.
Rory: What?
Jess: To the carnival. I'm going to the carnival.
Clara: I thought you had things to do.
Jess: Well, I don't.
Clara: Rory just said you had things to do.
Jess: Hey, Tattoo, just look at the plane, will ya?
Clara: What?

Rory: How's everybody doing?
Clara: Jess can't throw.
Jess: I can, too.
Clara: You missed every time.
Jess: I can't concentrate with your annoying midget voice yammering on and on. It's like having Stuart Little shoved in my ear.

Rory: You're really not mad?
Jess: Nope, not mad at all.
Rory: And you understand?
Jess: I understand.
Rory: And you believe me?
Jess: Like you're standing with an ax next to a cherry tree.

Trix: Young lady, your uniform has a large cut down the middle of your back.
Sookie: It does? Oh yeah, I did get myself.
Emily: Sookie, how on earth did you do that?
Sookie: Oh, well, I... and the chop flew, so I lunged... and then the floor slipped... and then... ooh! You know, and I just... did a flip, ya know. I guess you just kind of had to be there.
Trix: Yes, apparently so.

Trix: Oh, it's time for the next course. Waiter, our next course please.
Emily: I'm not done.
Trix: What do you mean, you're not done? You had twelve minutes.
Emily: I'm not done.
Trix: Fine, we will wait.
Lorelai: [quietly] That'll do, pig. That'll do.

Rory: This is very impressive.
Lorelai: Not as impressive as my mother making four green beans last an hour and a half.
Rory: I wish I'd seen that.
Lorelai: When she finally got to the last bean, she cut it in six pieces. I swear, I thought Gran was gonna lunge across the table at her.
Rory: The student surpasses the master.
Lorelai: I was a little proud.