Emily: You want to go to my meeting of the Daughters of the American Revolution?
Richard: Well, yes, I think it'd be fascinating.
Emily: Well, I go straight from there to the symphony luncheon.
Richard: Well, I'll tag along there, too.
Emily: Yes, but from there, I get my hair done. You certainly don't want to sit around while I have my hair done.
Richard: No, I don't.
Emily: There you go.
Richard: Well, you can cancel that.
Emily: I can't cancel that. I get my hair done every Wednesday at 3:00.
Richard: Your hair looks fine.
Emily: My hair looks fine because I have my hair done every Wednesday at 3:00.

Richard: Well, then, what am I going to do?
Emily: Why don't you go to the club?
Richard: What?
Emily: Yes, the club. You spend a fortune to belong there, and you never got to go much before. Why don't you go there now?
Richard: Go to the club on a Wednesday afternoon?
Emily: I think it would be perfect.
Richard: I don't even know what they do at the club on a Wednesday afternoon.
Emily: No time like the present to find out.
Richard: All right, I'll go to the club.
Emily: Wonderful.
Richard: Going to the club on a Wednesday afternoon. Life certainly is an interesting game of cards, isn't it?
Emily: It certainly is.
Richard: Well, I'll see you tonight.
Emily: Have a good time. [closes door] Graciella, I need more coffee now.

Lorelai: I forgot my card at home, but I think my number's 6247.
Kirk: You forgot your card?
Lorelai: I might have lost it.
Kirk: Lost it? Was it temporary or laminated?
Lorelai: Laminated.
Kirk: That's a permanent card. You lost a permanent card.
Lorelai: You can just get me a new card, Kirk.
Kirk: Fine, but I hope you understand the gravity of the situation.
Lorelai: I'm trying to grasp it.
Kirk: These cards are agreements. It's an agreement between you and the Stars Hollow video store stating that you will take care of your card, honor your card, that you'll be very, very nice to your card...

Rory: Hey, Kirk, there were a couple of little kids over there and they were looking at this tape that's kind of mature. You might want to put that stuff on a higher shelf.
Kirk: How mature?
Rory: It's a half-naked woman just standing there.
Kirk: Is she a blonde?
Rory: What?
Kirk: I'll check it out right now.

Lorelai: Oh, my God. The most horrible thing just happened. Headmaster Charleston's office called. He's been kidnapped. Two guys broke into his house, they threw him in a Hefty bag, used those twisty ties and carted him off. Classes have been canceled until further notice.
Rory: I'm going to school, Mom.
Lorelai: Rory, come on. It's just one day. I'll write you a note. "Dear Nazis, Rory had to miss school today on account of saving her mom from spending the entire day with her father who often looks at her like she has three heads."
Rory: Out of my way, please.
Lorelai: Do you know the last time my father and I were alone for any period of time?
Rory: Nuh-uh.
Lorelai: I was kicked out of summer camp for refusing to call the camp counselor "Peaches", because I thought the entire concept of the counselors choosing summer-fruit names was stupid. So they called my dad, and he came to get me and it was just the two of us alone in the car, all the way from Maine with nothing to talk about but my camp failure. Luckily, I had also flashed the swim team, or even that subject would have gotten stale.

Rory: Mom, I promise. Just make it till the afternoon and I promise I'll come home and take grandpa off your hands. It'll be fine.
Lorelai: It is not going to be fine. It's going to be horrible. It is going to be a bad, depressing Lifetime movie and Nancy McKeon will be playing me. I am Jo. [doorbell rings] And that would be him.

Lorelai: Dad, do you know what you want?
Richard: Oh, I already ate.
Lorelai: You did? When?
Richard: I had breakfast at home. I get up at 5:30 every morning.
Lorelai: Wow. Why?
Richard: Well, I've gotten up at 5:30 for as long as I can remember.
Lorelai: Yeah, but that was when you had to work. Now you can afford to get a little crazy. Get up at quarter-to-six.
Richard: Go ahead and order, Lorelai.

Lorelai: I need a grapefruit.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Yeah, before my pancakes this morning, I need half a grapefruit. Preferably one that tastes like a doughnut.
Luke: I don't have grapefruit.
Lorelai: How come?
Luke: I've never had grapefruit.
Lorelai: I need a- Listen. I have my father with me all day. And so far, there's been no major drama, yelling, ugliness but there will be if I don't somehow find a way to get half a grapefruit for breakfast this morning.
Luke: I could go next door to Doose's and buy a grapefruit.
Lorelai: I would be eternally grateful.

Richard: Is that your second cup of coffee?
Lorelai: Uh, third. Why?
Richard: No reason. It's a lot of coffee, first thing in the morning. [hums]

Michel: [on the phone] As soon as I can, I will send someone up. Yes, I will. I understand. I understand. I understand. I understand. Okay. I understand. Goodbye. [hangs up]
Lorelai: What do you understand?
Michel: Hmm, I have no idea. I tuned them out at the first screech.