Luke: [on the phone] Hey, what's wrong?
Lorelai: It's Paul Anka. He's sick.
Luke: He's sick?
Lorelai: Yeah. He doesn't want to walk or eat or anything. He's never been sick in his whole life. I mean, I haven't had him his whole life, so it's possible he's been sick in his life. I'll never know for sure, but to me it's as if it's the first time.

Rory: He wrote a book.
Logan: Oh, you penned the great American novel, Jess?
Jess: Wasn't quite that ambitious.
Logan: So, what are we talking here? Short novel? Kafka length or longer? Dos Passos, Tolstoy? Or longer- Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names, am I?
Jess: You seem very obsessed with length.

Rory: It's a short novel.
Logan: Any good?
Rory: I haven't read it yet.
Logan: Yet? At least you're gonna have one reader. That's something.
Jess: Yeah.
Logan: You know, I should just write down all my random thoughts and stuff that happens to me and conversations I have and just add a bunch of he said, she said's, and get it published. You got a copy on you?
Jess: No.
Logan: You should send me a copy.
Jess: And where do I send it, the blond dick at Yale?

Jess: What's going on with you?
Rory: What do you mean?
Jess: You know what I mean. I know you better than anyone. This isn't you.
Rory: I don't know.
Jess: What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR, no Yale. Why did you drop out of Yale?!
Rory: It's complicated.
Jess: It's not! It's not complicated.
Rory: You don't know.
Jess: This isn't you. This. You going out with this jerk with the Porsche. We made fun of guys like this.
Rory: You caught him on a bad night.
Jess: This isn't about him. Okay, screw him. What's going on with you? This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?
Rory: I don't know. I don't know.
Jess: Hey, uh... May-may-maybe we'll catch up at a better time. Happy birthday, by the way. Wasn't that a couple weeks ago, your birthday?

Rory: I mean, what am I doing? I'm living with my grandparents.
Logan: That's temporary. Have a drink.
Rory: Temporary can turn into forever.
Logan: You're not living with the Gilmores forever.
Rory: I'm palling with my grandmother and being waited on by a maid. I come home, and my shoes are magically shined. My clothes are magically clean, ironed, and laid out. My bed is magically turned down. I'm in the DAR? I'm going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties?
Logan: Again, temporary. Have a drink.
Rory: And wasting my time partying and drinking, just hanging out doing nothing.

Lane: So, I got a message on my cellphone, from your grandmother.
Rory: On your cellphone?
Lane: How did she get the number?
Rory: She's Emily Gilmore. I gotta run. Bye.

Rory: I'm 21. You can't ground me.
Emily: And no more sleepovers at Paris' house.
Rory: Grandma, I go wherever I want, whenever I want. And I haven't been sleeping at Paris' house three nights a week. I've been at Logan's.
Emily: When your father gets home, we're going to talk about the house rules and be on the same page once and for all.
Rory: You mean my grandfather.
Emily: You know what I meant.
Rory: Well, I'd have to be living at the house to have house rules.
Emily: What does that mean?
Rory: Excuse me.
Emily: Young lady, do not walk away from me.