Jess: Why are you hassling me?
Lorelai: Well, mostly because I'm here to hassle you. Now, if you'd bothered calling, maybe Rory would be here to hassle you.
Jess: Hey, Rory knows I'm not the kind of guy who lives by a schedule.
Lorelai: Yes, and look what the guy who doesn't live by a schedule ends up doing on a Saturday night. Talking to his girlfriend's mother.
Jess: Whatever.
Lorelai: Hey, Jess. You like music, right? The Beach Boys said it best. "None of the guys go steady ‘cause it wouldn't be right to leave their best girls home on a Saturday night." Rory is one of the best girls. She's the best girl, if you want my opinion, and you don't seem to have the first idea as to how she should be treated.
Jess: Well, luckily I've got you to tell me.
Lorelai: Not anymore. You and I have discussed your relationship with Rory long enough.

Trix: Emily, we were waiting for iced tea or am I imagining things?
Emily: It's on its way, Mom.
Trix: So is death.

Emily: You know, it's because I caught some of "Love in the Afternoon" the other day, the movie. Have you seen it, Mom?
Trix: I don't believe I have.
Emily: Oh, well, it's wonderful. And a wonderful concept, too, don't you think? Anyway, I must have the music stuck in my head. That must be why I'm singing it. I mean, what else could it be, hm?

Lorelai: Okay, what is going on?
Emily: I saw her kissing a man.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: When I came home today, I walked in and I saw her standing in the living room kissing a man.
Lorelai: Gran?
Emily: Yes.
Lorelai: My Gran?
Emily: Yes.
Lorelai: My Gran was kissing a man?
Emily: In a purple velour jogging suit.
Lorelai: Gran was in a purple velour jogging suit?
Emily: No, the man was wearing a purple jogging suit.

Lorelai: And you're sure they were kissing?
Emily: One hundred percent sure.
Lorelai: My God. Was he hot?
Emily: Excuse me?
Lorelai: Well, I don't know what you're supposed to ask when you hear your grandmother's been making out with a guy.
Emily: I don't know if he was hot. Your grandmother sucking face was blocking my view.
Lorelai: What'd she do? Did she see you?
Emily: No. After my heart started back up again, I went outside and hid in the bushes until he left.
Lorelai: Okay, now I have two really good visuals fighting for top billing here.

Emily: Do you realize how wonderful this is?
Lorelai: Yeah, I guess it's wonderful, Gran has a guy.
Emily: No, what's wonderful is after all these years of her abuse, her condescension, her insults and her degrading comments, after all these years of pure unadulterated hell, I finally have something to hold over her.
Lorelai: Oh, Mom.
Emily: Finally, I have the upper hand. Finally, I have something to nail her with. Finally, that woman is going down.
Lorelai: You cannot use this against Gran.
Emily: Yes, I can, I've earned it.
Lorelai: Mom, I know Gran gives you a hard time, but she did not tell anyone about this guy for a reason.
Emily: Yes, because she's embarrassed. She should be. He was dressed like a bookie.

Trix: Though, perhaps if Emily could have the meal served on time, Richard would have more inducement to get home at a reasonable hour.
Emily: I saw her kissing a man in a track suit!
Richard: What?
Trix: Emily! [old ladies gasp]

Rory: Geez, I really suck at this post-sports talk.
Dean: Well, you haven't had much practice.
Rory: True. But who knows, I might be a sports convert. I mean, the eating of massive amounts of junk food, and listening to Kirk make a fool of himself in front of a bunch of people, all things I enjoy.
Dean: In fact, you could almost get rid of the sports part of it.
Rory: That's what I was going to say.

Emily: Mom, I want to apologize for what I said downstairs. I had no right to humiliate you like that, in front of your friends, in front of Richard. This relationship was something you had chosen to keep private and I should have respected that. I am truly sorry. He seemed like a very nice man. Why didn't you tell anyone about him?
Trix: I married once. I married Richard's father. That was my husband. I have no desire to marry again and dishonor his memory.
Emily: I understand.
Trix: I believe a woman marries for life. If, after your husband is gone, you desperately desire some sort of permanent attachment, add an addition onto the house – a library or a solarium. I have a library and a solarium.
Emily: Yes, you do.
Trix: However, in spite of all this, I found myself getting lonely. And I don't care for being lonely, it's quite annoying. So many years ago, I met a man, and he became my companion. Tonight, both he and I were both publicly humiliated and our relationship altered forever. Can you imagine how that feels?
Emily: Actually, I've had a little experience with being humiliated in front of the people I love, yes. Mom, please believe me, I know how important your pride is to you, and I never had any intention of robbing you of it. I feel terrible that I caused you any pain. I just wish that once in awhile, you might feel a little bit terrible that you cause me pain. I have pride, too, you know. And my husband travels and is very busy and I miss him and I'm lonely sometimes, just like you.
Trix: Well.

Lorelai: They're going to have tea?
Richard: That's a first.
Lorelai: Maybe they're going to be pals now.
Richard: I don't know how I feel about my mother and my wife being in cahoots.
Lorelai: I don't know how I feel about you saying the word cahoots.
Richard: Well, this alliance could make things very uncomfortable for me.
Emily: [mutters] Sending a maid down to tell me how to make tea, as if I don't know after all these years. Guess she'll have a coronary if the water hits the cup one second before the bag.
Lorelai: I think you're safe.
Richard: I think so, too.