Jess: I never see you reading.
Luke: Will you just... I read.
Jess: What are you reading?
Luke: I read, I read.
Jess: What do you read?
Luke: Invoices, expiration dates.
Jess: I stand corrected.

Dean: Aren't you gonna read it back?
Jess: Nope.
Dean: Okay, but these men were hired by Taylor, which means if they aren't satisfied with their orders, they will send them back. And they will continue to send them back until they are happy, which means you could be making this order until you die.
Jess: "Six burgers, three with cheese – two cheddar, one Swiss."
Dean: Slower, please. I'm checking them off as we go.
Jess: "Two plain burgers, one chili with cheese and onion on the side."

Lorelai: Ridgemont called.
Michel: No.
Lorelai: He's changing his mind about the theme for his retirement party again.
Michel: No!
Lorelai: We have to call the florist.
Michel: But this is the fourth theme he's picked. He had the fishing one, and the Kentucky Derby with the chocolate horsies, and the Tibet with the Richard Gere pictures everywhere.
Lorelai: I know.
Michel: And he promised that the golf would be the last one.
Lorelai: Well, he decided that golf was dull and he doesn't want to be remembered as dull.
Michel: Would he like to be remembered as limping, because I can be a fabulous help with that.

Michel: Here's an idea. It's a retirement party, yes? Okay. So what happens after you retire? You die.
Lorelai: He changed his mind.
Lane: Again?
Michel: So, why don't we dig a big hole, throw him in, hand everybody a shovel, they take turns covering him up. We go inside, have dinner, the wife gets used to eating alone...
Lorelai: We are not going to bury him alive.

Rory: I have been cordially invited to Sherry Tinsdale's C-section.
Lorelai: No way!
Rory: "Friday, February seventh, six o'clock p.m. Join the girls for a toast, a hug, a wave to the mommy as they wheel her off, dinner at Sushi Sushi, and then back to the hospital for a formal viewing of brand-new baby Georgia. RSVP at your earliest convenience. P.S. gifts are not necessary, but always appreciated."
Lorelai: I don't even know where to start.
Rory: I knew you would like it.
Lorelai: You have to RSVP to a C-section.
Rory: And bring a gift.
Lorelai: I wonder if Laura Mercier makes Demerol.

Rory: I just need to go on record that a grown man should not throw himself a Beanie Baby retirement party.
Lorelai: Just hold your breath this one actually takes.
Rory: And how is Sookie supposed to plan a Beanie Baby menu?
Lorelai: Lots of beans.
Rory: I think this is ridiculous.
Lorelai: Angel face, you need to learn that there are going to be times in your life when you have to do ridiculous things for money. If you're Adrian Zmed, that includes everything that ever happens in your whole career.

Lorelai: Oh Rory, come on. Did you order from Amazon again? 'Cause we're going to get your books their own house.
Rory: I didn't, I swear.
Lorelai: It's from my mother.
Rory: What is it?
Lorelai: It's heavy. Must be her hopes and dreams for me.
Rory: I thought she discarded those years ago.

Rory: "Selected Hotels of Europe," "Hotels, Restaurants and Inns of Great Britain and Ireland, 1986", "Myra Waldo's Travel and Motoring Guide to Europe, '78."
Lorelai: Wow, these will be an enormous help in planning our trip. Hey, you wanna go see the Berlin Wall?
Rory: Sounds great.
Lorelai: My God, I remember these books. I think the only person in my house who ever read them was me.
Rory: This hotel is five hundred dollars a night.
Lorelai: Five hundred dollars a night twenty years ago.
Rory: What could a hotel possibly have that would make it five hundred dollars a night?
Lorelai: An English menu?

[flashback:]
Young Lorelai: Mom, it's me, Lorelai, I'm home! I'm home and I'm taking my sweater off. I'm taking my sweater off and dropping it on the floor. I'm dropping it on the floor and walking away from it. I'm walking away from it and leaving it on the floor, and in two years I'm gonna register Democrat. Looks like no Emily.

[flashback:]
Young Lorelai: It looks like the Gilmores are planning a trip again.
Young Christopher: Where to this time?
Young Lorelai: Someplace fabulous where they'll stay at a fancy hotel with a lot of other rich Americans so they won't have to talk to anyone who actually lives in that country.
Young Christopher: "Myra Waldo's Travel and Motoring Guide to Europe." Hello Myra.