Rory: Hey, I want to sleep amongst thirteenth century tapestries and chocolates made by local artisans.
Lorelai: Okay, then, it's settled. We're not staying at any place that wasn't built for Napoleon the third's doctor or doesn't have a Chagall in the bathroom.
Rory: Hear, hear.
Lorelai: Now we just have to figure out how we're gonna pay for it. Hey, how good's your organ grinding?

Lorelai: What happened to your face?
Luke: What do you mean?
Lorelai: It's visible.
Luke: Oh, I shaved.
Lorelai: You going to the bank?
Luke: No.
Lorelai: Funeral?
Luke: No.
Lorelai: Drag club?

Emily: Well, it's a rare treat to have an evening alone with my daughter uncoerced.
Lorelai: Yes, it is, isn't it?
Emily: So Rory's at the hospital?
Lorelai: Yeah. She's gonna see her new half-sister fresh from the oven.
Emily: Well, that's about an unpleasant a description as I've ever heard.

Lorelai: No maid tonight?
Emily: Leloni usually takes Sundays off, but she wanted to switch and seeing as it's just you and I, I said yes.
Lorelai: Leloni, huh? Very exotic name.
Emily: She's from Honolulu.
Lorelai: Cool. Does she know Don Ho?
Emily: No.
Lorelai: Charo?
Emily: No.
Lorelai: The C&H Pure Cane Sugar dancers?
Emily: Lorelai, please, we don't have a buffer here tonight.

Rory: [on the phone] Mom, they're giving me gloves!
Lorelai: What are you talking about?
Rory: I don't want gloves, I don't want a gown, I don't wanna be in there.
Lorelai: In where?
Rory: In the delivery room with Sherry.
Lorelai: What?
Rory: Dad's not here yet and she's freaking out and she told the nurse I'm going in and...
Lorelai: Where are her other friends?
Rory: They had to work. I'm here all by myself and I'm trying very hard to be calm but I'm starting to feel nauseous, and the hospital has a smell, and there are noises, and those gowns do not stay closed and I've seen a lot of butts today!

[flashback:]
Young Lorelai: Okay, this is a big pain and I'd really like it to go away, please.
Nurse: Just breathe deep, honey.
Young Lorelai: Well, breathing doesn't help, can I hit you instead?
Nurse: What?
Young Lorelai: Or pinch you really hard, 'cause that might make me feel better.
Nurse: No, you cannot hit me.
Young Lorelai: Can I bite you or pull your hair or use the Epilady on you 'cause I really need to do something.
Emily: Lorelai Gilmore!
Young Lorelai: Wheel this a little faster, please.

Jess: Kirk, how long are you gonna sit here?
Kirk: What do you mean?
Jess: It's been four hours. Go home.
Kirk: It's boring at home. My TV's broken.
Jess: So do something else.
Kirk: Like what?
Jess: Read a book.
Kirk: What book?
Jess: Any book.
Kirk: I'm gonna need a suggestion.
Jess: Moby Dick.
Kirk: That's about the whale?
Jess: Yes.
Kirk: No. What else?
Jess: Forget it, just sit there.

Emily: What on earth are you doing here? What is this?
Lorelai: This is your new DVD player.
Emily: My what?
Lorelai: Plus, I picked up Singin' in the Rain, Funny Girl, Easter Parade, An American in Paris, and as an added bonus, the new classic dance series – Urban Cowboy, Saturday Night Fever, Grease, Footloose, and Flashdance. Trust me, you're gonna be cutting up your sweatshirts all weekend.

Lorelai: Mom, I swear, it was Aunt Maureen.
Emily: Aunt Maureen would never hike up her skirt in public.
Lorelai: She would after half a gallon of eggnog.
Emily: Richard, who was the one who got drunk at our Christmas party and hiked up her skirt in front of the Town and Country photographer?
Richard: I'm sorry, did you say something?
Lorelai: I don't know about you, Mom, but I've never felt so fascinating in my entire life.

Richard: It's not safe. I forbid it. Call our travel agent.
Rory: But we want to be spontaneous. Jump a train to Paris, head off to Spain.
Lorelai: Oh no, it's raining in Spain. But since the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain...
Rory: Looks like Italy for us!
Lorelai: Mamma Mia!