Sookie: How many times have you fallen asleep at your desk in that stupid office of yours?
Lorelai: Once.
Sookie: No. Once, you fell asleep on a stapler. And the whole next day, you had "Swingline" printed backwards across your face. But you've fallen asleep at that desk a hundred times.
Lorelai: Well, I'm here when I'm here. I can't change that. I'm sorry.
Sookie: Want to know the last time I saw staff and maids looking this scared of their boss? Your mother's house.
Lorelai: Ow! Knife in the gut!
Sookie: Well, I'm sorry to deal from the bottom of the deck, but that's reality.

Lorelai: [on the phone] This month at least?
Luke: Today.
Lorelai: See you when Hillary's president.
Luke: I'll see you later today.
Lorelai: Bye.

Emily: Oh, we had such a trip. Rory will fill you in. Spare her the more salacious aspects.
Lorelai: Salacious aspects?
Emily: Those European men - young, old, in between - they saw us coming.
Sookie: They saw you coming where?
Emily: We were like magnets. Such high libidos.
Lorelai: You weren't wearing your "hot and wealthy" sandwich board, were you, Mom?
Rory: She was very popular.
Emily: Well, I should go. I bring you back a charming, cultured, well-mannered young lady. Don't undo it.
Lorelai: I will definitely try not to not undo it.

Rory: So, what are you guys doing home?
Lorelai: We're trying to get some distance from the inn.
Sookie: And it's going through the roof. Not the inn's roof - that's solid as a rock. You know what I mean. We're booked to 90% capacity. And the restaurant - we're turning people away. Oh, you know all that.
Rory: No, keep going.
Sookie: Well, customers agree that, despite Michel, we're their favorite Connecticut inn. Oh, but that's nothing compared to the big town news.
Rory: Wow. What?
Lorelai: Sookie.
Sookie: We walked past Dean's place, and Lindsay was throwing his stuff out on the street. They were really going at it. It was like Raging Bull.

Michel: What are you doing here?
Lorelai: What are you doing here?
Michel: I'm enjoying the cider mill parade. Such culture I've been missing all these years. This band, so subtle. Like a polo mallet hitting your head.

Luke: This town.
Lorelai: "... is our town. This town is so glamorous".

Lorelai: So, you want to talk about-
Rory: Something to watch?
Lorelai: Uh, yes. Something to watch.
Rory: You pick.
Lorelai: Will you be mad if it's Showgirls again? I got the deluxe edition with shot glasses and a drinking game.

Miss Patty: Keep it going, kids. You're red, you're delicious. You're about to have the juice sucked out of you. There she is, our spunky entrepreneur.
Lorelai: I am the uber-Trump-Murdoch-Maximus. Oop. Apple down.
Miss Patty: Apple down. Apple down! Hold it, everybody! Apple down! Okay, roll her over. Have a nice day.

Lane: Look, I told you guys I'd throw you free fries - not a big deal since they're usually the ones we wind up throwing out anyway from making too many, which means you don't have to call them wink-winkers or nudge-nudgies or know-what-I-meanies or anything else in verbal code, especially if it's cute-cutesy.

Lorelai: Still no Luke, huh?
Lane: Liz and T.J. are still not back up on their feet. Luke's calling the Renaissance Faire his "Vietnam without all the fun shooting."
Lorelai: Oh, poor guy.
Lane: I made it extra strong. It should blacken your teeth and rot your stomach.
Lorelai: Bless you.