‘The One with the Lottery’
Season 9, Episode 18 - Aired April 3, 2003
When the friends pool their cash to buy dozens of lottery tickets, disagreements break out over how to split the potential jackpot. Meanwhile, Chandler is expecting news about an advertising job, and Ross and Rachel are waiting for Emma's first word.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Oh, my God, Ross, you don't have Emma. And Rachel, you don't have Emma. Where's Emma? Who has Emma?
Rachel: Joey, relax. My mother picked her up two hours ago. You were there.
Joey: I was?
Rachel: Yes, and you talked to her.
Joey: I did?
Rachel: She dropped off a casserole.
Joey: Oh, yeah, the casserole lady.
Quote from Joey
Monica: Chandler's supposed to find out if he's getting a job at his agency. But out of fifteen interns, they're only hiring three.
Joey: Tough odds.
Ross: Yeah. If only it were a sure thing like your twenty-four state lottery.
Joey: Yeah, look who's coming around!
Quote from Chandler
Joey: Did you get it?
Chandler: One of the slots got filled.
Joey: By you?
Chandler: Sense the tone.
Quote from Ross
Phoebe: You are not gonna believe this. I just saw my psychic and she said I was definitely gonna win the lottery tonight.
Monica: Hey, that reminds me. I thought we could use some extra luck so I brought a wishbone home from work.
Ross: A psychic and a wishbone? Guys, give someone else a chance.
Quote from Ross
Ross: You know what? I'm sure your wish is gonna come true. But, you guys, just in case, maybe a genie will come out if we rub this lamp. That thing gets hot!
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: I can see the headline now: "Lottery Winners' Friend Filled With Regret, Eats Own Arm."
Ross: Why would I eat my own arm?
Chandler: Well, you wouldn't, but we own the paper. We can print whatever we want.
Quote from Rachel
Joey: Ooh, I know. I know. We should pool all our money and buy the Knicks.
Rachel: I don't really care about the Knicks.
Joey: Oh, you will when I pick you as starting forward.
Rachel: You would do that? I never get picked!
Quote from Phoebe
Rachel: I'm hoping that if she hears it enough, it'll be her first word.
Ross: Although if we're gonna do that, we should probably call me "Daddy" too.
Phoebe: Ooh. I like that, Daddy.
Ross: I was just talking about Rachel.
Phoebe: Is Daddy getting angry? Is Daddy gonna spank me?
Ross: Well, that depends. Have you been a bad? No, I can't.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Hey, I was with you the whole time in Connecticut. When did you even get those?
Monica: When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic.
Joey: [to Chandler] I'll show you how.
Quote from Ross
Ross: Then I want mine too. And if I win I'm gonna put it all into a very low-yield bond.