‘The One with Ross and Monica's Cousin’
Season 7, Episode 19 - Aired April 19, 2001
Ross develops questionable feelings for his cousin, Cassie, when she comes to stay with him. Meanwhile, Rachel and Phoebe throw Monica an impromptu bridal shower, and Joey auditions for a role which requires him to show a lot of skin.
Quote from Monica
Monica: Joey, this is not like learning to ride a horse. This is like learning to grow a turtleneck.
Quote from Monica
Joey: I'm going to have to call my agent and tell her I can't do the part.
Monica: Unless...
Joey: Unless what?
Monica: This may sound crazy, but there may be something we could fashion.
Joey: Like what?
Monica: Well, I'm not sure yet. But off the top of my head, I'm thinking double-sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.
Quote from Monica
Monica: I'm making something for Joey. Do you mind if I raid your fridge?
Rachel: Have at it.
Monica: All right. Turkey? That won't work. Cheese? That won't work. Olive loaf? I hope that won't work.
Rachel: Are you making him a sandwich?
Monica: No, it's more like a wrap.
Quote from Ross
Cassie: Thanks for letting me stay here. Monica's place was nice. But her fiance sure stares a lot. [Ross stares at Cassie as she flips her hair] Oh, my God! You do a great Chandler!
Ross: Uh-huh. Yeah, I have a knack for impressions.
Cassie: Well, maybe after we get re-acquainted you could do me.
Ross: Yeah. No!
Quote from Ross
Cassie: I'll always remember that summer because it's when I got all these freckles.
Ross: Uh-huh. And I'll always remember that summer because that's when I realized that we are related.
Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out, huh?
Ross: I'm a little slow. Just as our children would be.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: You didn't tell her to come?
Phoebe: You were supposed to tell her.
Rachel: No, I wasn't. You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake.
Phoebe: Fine, I'll go call her.
Rachel: And please tell her to bring a cake.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Oh, Monica. We are so sorry.
Monica: For what?
Rachel: Well, first, for forgetting to throw you a bridal shower.
Phoebe: And then for forgetting to invite you to it.
Monica: You already had it?
Phoebe: Yeah, well, we called everyone in your phone book and a bunch of people came. But it took us so long to get you here that they had to leave.
Rachel: Yeah. We wanted to throw you a big surprise and a great shower. Now you don't have either.
Phoebe: We ruined everything.
Monica: Oh, no. Wait a minute, that's not true. What you did was really sweet. And it kind of works out for the best.
Rachel: What do you mean?
Monica: Well, now I get to spend my shower with the only people I really love. I mean, I get all those presents without having to talk to a bunch of people I don't even like.
Phoebe: Surprise.
Rachel: Surprise, Monica.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Cassie, are you finding everything okay?
Cassie: Yeah. Thank you so much for letting me stay here.
Phoebe: Oh, it's no problem.
Cassie:What?
Phoebe: [inner monologue] Say something. Say anything. Ask her out. She's not your cousin.
Quote from Ross
Ross: [inner monologue] She's your cousin. She's your cousin. If she knew what was going on in your head, she'd think you were sick. Or would she? Let's back up for a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights.
She was the one that wanted to rent Logan's Run the sexiest movie ever. Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. I'm going in.
Cassie: What the hell are you doing?
Ross: [inner monologue] Say something clever. Okay, doesn't have to be clever. Just has to be words. Say some words. Any words will do. Oh, my God, this is the longest that anyone has not talked ever! There is nothing you could say to make this worse so just say something!
Ross: I haven't had sex in a very long time. [inner monologue] Yeah, you really shouldn't have said anything.
Quote from Joey
Phoebe: Oh, hey. How was your audition?
Joey: I'm sorry, do I know you?
Phoebe: What are you doing?
Joey: Nothing. I'm just practicing blowing you off because I'm gonna be a big movie star.