Chandler: Hey. Why are are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?
Monica: They sent me home. They said I can't work if I'm sick.
Chandler: I'm so sorry that you're sick. I'm not sick. I don't get sick. Getting sick is for weaklings, it's for pansies.
Rachel: Honey, no one thinks that you're a pansy, but we do think that you need a tissue.

Rachel: This is Chandler. And you know Monica and Ross. And that's Phoebe. And that's Joey.
Joey: How you doin'?
Rachel: Don't.

Jill: You know what I said? I said, "I'm going to hire a lawyer, sue you, take all your money and then I'm going to cut you off."
Rachel: Wow. What did he say?
Jill: He said he wouldn't pay for my lawyer.

Rachel: Jill, I think this is the best thing that could've happened to you. You've needed to get out on your own. When I did it, at first I was scared, but then look at me now. I am the only daughter that Dad is proud of.

Gunther: Okay, here are the tips for this morning. Jen gets 50, 50 for me and Joey owes eight dollars.
Joey: What?
Gunther: For all the free food you gave away.
Joey: Well, if it's free food, how come you're charging me for it?

Gunther: We don't give anything away for free unless it's their birthday.
Joey: What if they came in third in a modeling contest?
Gunther: No.
Joey: [takes a muffin from an attractive woman, puts it back in the counter] Sorry.

Phoebe: Seriously, I don't think Rachel's going to think it's a good idea.
Jill: So who made her queen of the world?
Phoebe: I would love that job.

Rachel: Now, since Daddy paid for all this stuff, I should take it all away. But I'm just gonna take the Pashmina. And the pants. You know what, I'm just going to take it all, because that way, you'll learn the lesson.

Jill: Oh, my gosh, that was so lame. Like a Pashmina could be a rug.
Ross: Oh, yeah? Well, how about you with the [in falsetto voice] "I'm sorry."
Jill: Shut up. I wasn't like that at all.

Monica: Okay, so what do you want to do? Let's do something crazy.
Chandler: I know, let's rest and drink lots of fluids.