Phoebe: Joey, you can't make someone do something they don't wanna do. Believe me, there's something I've been trying to get Mike to do in bed and there's-
Mike: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey. Can we not talk about that now?
Phoebe: All right, prude. Look, Monica and Chandler really love this house. You are not gonna talk them into staying here.
Joey: Hey, hey. I can convince people to do anything, you know. I bet I could even get Mike to do that thing. What is it? I am not gonna help you do that! Oh, my God.

Mr. Campbell: So, why do you wanna leave Ralph Lauren?
Rachel: What? I don't.
Mr. Campbell: You don't?
Rachel: No. I love it there.
Mr. Campbell: Well, if you don't wanna leave, why are we having this lunch?
Ross: [whispering] That is my boss-
Mr. Campbell: What?
Rachel: [whispering] That is my boss-
Mr. Campbell: That's Hugo Boss?

Phoebe: This place is so depressing. If I had to work here I'd kill myself. But you obviously haven't.
Clerk: How can I help you?
Phoebe: Um, I need to change my name, please. See, I need to change it because I'm hiding from the law. You're fun.
Clerk: You need to fill out this form.
Phoebe: Okay. I just don't- I don't know how it works exactly. See, my name is Buffay and my husband's name is Hannigan. So is it supposed to be Buffay-Hannigan or Hannigan-Buffay?
Clerk: It can be anything you want.
Phoebe: Well, not anything. I mean-
Clerk: Yeah. Anything.
Phoebe: Oh, this could take a while.
Clerk: Get out of my line.
Phoebe: Okay.

Chandler: Hey, how did the interview go?
Rachel: Ugh! Not good.
Chandler: You know, I always feel that way after an interview. I'll bet it went better than you think.
Rachel: Well, I didn't get the job at Gucci and I got fired from Ralph Lauren.
Chandler: That is a bad interview.

Phoebe: What are you talking about? How did this happen?
Rachel: Well, my boss was at the same restaurant where I was having my interview and he heard everything. So, later, he calls me into his office and he tells me that he's gonna have to let me go because I'm not a team player. And I say "Wait a minute. No. Yes, I am". And then I had to sit there for 45 minutes while he proved that, in fact, was true.

Joey: So this is the living room huh? Oof, it's pretty dark.
Monica: No, it's not.
Joey: Are you kidding? I think I just saw a bat in the corner.
Chandler: When your head was hanging out of the window, it didn't hit a mailbox, did it?
Joey: Maybe.

Mackenzie: Who are you?
Joey: Oh, hi, I'm Joey. My stupid friends are buying this house? Who are you?
Mackenzie: I am Mackenzie. My stupid parents are selling this house. I hate my parents.
Joey: I hate my friends. All right. Look, there's gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening.
Mackenzie: Like what?
Joey: Oh. Okay. You come with me and you tell them that the house is haunted.
Mackenzie: What are you eight?
Joey: Okay. Let's hear your great idea.
Mackenzie: I don't have any great ideas. I am eight.

Joey: There's gotta be a way. I mean, you know, Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike. That just leaves me and Ross and Rachel, you know what I mean?
Mackenzie: I really don't.
Joey: What am I gonna do? I feel like I'm losing my friends.
Mackenzie: My parents say I'm gonna make new friends.
Joey: Oh yeah, sure, easy for you. You're younger than me. Me? I am set in my ways.
Mackenzie: This is what my mom was talking about: Whiners are wieners.

Mackenzie: Look, you want your friends to be happy, right?
Joey: Yeah, yeah. I guess.
Mackenzie: Well, if moving here is gonna make them happy, don't you want them to do it?
Joey: Yeah. Maybe.
Mackenzie: Then you gotta let them go.
Joey: Well, I hate to admit it, but you're probably right. How did you get to be so smart?
Mackenzie: I read a lot.
Joey: Just when I thought we could be friends.

Mark: So, how are you?
Rachel: Oh. You're not catching me on my best day.
Mark: Yeah, a box full of your desk stuff doesn't exactly say big promotion.
Rachel: No, but it's good, you know. I'm gonna take some time off ... and do some charity work.
Mark: Are you sure? Because we may have something at Louis Vuitton.
Rachel: Well, screw charity work, what do you got?