Mike: Oh, God!
Phoebe: What?
Mike: Okay. I don't want to freak you out or anything but I just saw a rat in your cupboard.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. No, that's Bob.
Mike: Well, he's your pet rat?
Phoebe: Well, not so much a pet as, you know, an occasional visitor who I put food out for. Kind of like Santa. Except Santa doesn't poop on the plate of cookies.

Phoebe: Okay, fine. If it means that much to you, I'll get rid of Bob.
Mike: Thank you.
Phoebe: It's so weird you think he's so gross, yet you're willing to eat his crackers.

Rachel: I'm sorry. Obviously, Heather's ass has something more important to say so I'll just wait till it's finished.
Gavin: What?

Gavin: What do you care if I was looking at her? Are you jealous?
Rachel: Oh, yeah. I'm jealous. "Oh, Gavin. Please, please look at my ass." Stop looking at my ass!

Rachel: You know what? My first impression of you was absolutely right. You are arrogant.
You are pompous. Morgan. Morgan. Tag's last name was Morgan.
Gavin: It was Jones.
Rachel: What are you, his boyfriend?

Monica: What's the big deal with her? Maybe she's attractive in an obvious kind of way.
Ross: Yeah, obvious beauty's the worst. You know, when it's right there in your face. Me, I like to have to work to find someone attractive. Makes me feel like I earned it.
Chandler: Looks like Joey's doing all right with her.
Monica: Yeah. Hey, that was nice of you guys to back off and let Joey get the girl for once.

Monica: They've elected me to talk to you about the baby talk. It's not so good.

Ross: Hey, listen, Joey. About Molly, I would really prefer if you didn't go after her.
Joey: Why not?
Ross: Because it took us months to find a good nanny. And I wouldn't want anything to, you know, drive her away.
Joey: So what? You think I'm just gonna sleep with her and never call her again, and things are gonna get uncomfortable? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Ross: Come on, there are plenty of other women out there. Just forget about her, okay? She's off-limits.
Joey: Oh, man. What'd you have to go and say that for? Now that you told me I can't have her, makes me want her even more.
Ross: What are you, a child?
Joey: Yes.

Phoebe: No, I don't want to kill him. I thought we were gonna capture him and, you know, set him free in the countryside where he could meet a friendly possum and a wisecracking owl.