Chandler: Actually, I just got off the plane and I'm feeling kind of gross. Maybe I should just take a shower.
Monica: Honey, you don't need a shower.
Chandler: All right. The truth is, I soiled myself during some turbulence.

Monica: What do I smell? Smoke? Did you smoke?
Chandler: Yes. But I just had one. Two. Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five. A pack. Two pack- A carton. Three big fat cartons in two days.

Chandler: But it's over. I've made a decision. I'm not going to smoke any more. [Monica searches Chandler] Those are for you.

Ross: You know what? You're not getting back in there. The baby's fine. Now, scram. Yeah, tell your story walking.
Rachel: I was just going to say that I left my keys.
Ross: Oh. Holy moley, are we in a pickle now.

Monica: Spend more time on the tie. That'll make a baby.

Chandler: Look, I can't do this. I can't make love to you while we're fighting this way.
Monica: Oh, sure. Now you're Mr. Sensitivity. But when you wanted to have sex after my uncle's funeral-
Chandler: That was a celebration of life.

Chandler: And listen, I'm not gonna smoke again. And if I do, I promise I will hide it so much better from you.

Monica: Do you want to?
Chandler: Yeah, let's celebrate life.

Chandler: You are welcome.
Monica: You know what? Let's not talk.
Chandler: What?
Monica: I am still so mad at you for smoking.
Chandler: But you said you forgave me. It was just a couple of cigarettes, no big deal.
Monica: Oh, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. I just said that because I was ovulating and you said you wouldn't have sex if we were fighting.
Chandler: You tricked me to get me into bed?
Monica: That's right. I got mine.
Chandler: I feel so used.

Phoebe: Where have you been?
Monica: Well, we had a little fight.
Chandler: I would never lie to get someone into bed.
Monica: You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy.