‘The One Where Rachel Tells...’
Season 8, Episode 3 - Aired October 11, 2001
As Chandler and Monica leave for their honeymoon, Rachel gets ready to break the news to the father of her baby. After realizing that Chandler and Monica didn't trust them enough to leave them a key to their apartment, Joey and Phoebe pretend there's a gas leak to get Mr. Treeger to unlock the apartment.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: You know what? Can I talk now?
Ross: Oh, sure.
Rachel: I'm pregnant. Ross? Ross? Okay, whenever you're ready. [Rachel starts reading a magazine] And you're the father, by the way, but you got that.
Quote from Ross
Rachel: Look, I was really freaked out too when-
Ross: Freaked out? I'm not freaked out. I'm indignant as a consumer.
Rachel: You know what? Let's talk later.
Ross: No, I wanna talk now. In fact, I wanna talk to the president of the condom company.
Rachel: Okay, you know, maybe I should come back-
Ross: Yeah, I'll press one.
Quote from Ross
Ross: It's just I don't think I handled it very well.
Joey: What did you say to her?
Ross: Nothing. But the complaint department at the condom company got an earful.
Quote from Chandler
Monica: You already got the first class tickets, you got the lounge. I mean, we should get free stuff, too. I mean, you're not the only ones on your honeymoon.
Woman: Well, you can have the suite if you want. We don't care about where we stay. We're here to celebrate our love for each other, not to get free stuff. We just want to be together.
Chandler: We need the stuff.
Quote from Rachel
Ross: We need to talk.
Rachel: Right now? Because I've kind of got an alfresco situation going on over here.
Ross: Please. Please. I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier today.
Rachel: Okay, Ross, that's fine. But can you please stay up near my head?
Ross: Yeah, sorry. I think I went a little crazy. I was thinking about me when I should've been thinking about you-
Rachel: Head, Ross! Head!
Quote from Rachel
Dr. Long: Everything looks good. Here it is on the screen. There's your uterus and right here is your baby.
Ross: Oh, my God.
Rachel: Wow. There it is, I see it.
Dr. Long: Congratulations. I'll give you two a minute.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Thank you. Pretty amazing, huh?
Rachel: [crying] I don't see it.
Ross: What? What?
Rachel: I can't see it.
Ross: You just said that you did.
Rachel: I know, I lied. I didn't want her to think I was a terrible mother. I can't even see my own baby.
Ross: Oh, sure. Come here. Sure you can. Come here.Loo k, it's right there.
Rachel: Oh. Oh, it's beautiful. I see it now.
Ross: Do you really?
Rachel: No, I don't see it!
Ross: Come on. Okay. Okay. You see this tiny thing that looks like a peanut?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: Sweetie, that's it.
Rachel: That's it? Well, I saw that.
Quote from Rachel
Phoebe: So how was the doctor?
Rachel: Everything went great.
Phoebe: Good.
Ross: Oh, hey, show them the picture of your uterus.
Joey: I don't see the baby. Where is it?
Rachel: Oh, no. I know. I couldn't see it either at first. But it's right- Ross, I lost it again.
Quote from Rachel
Nurse: Okay, Rachel, are you comfortable?
Rachel: If I said I was, would you judge me?
Nurse: The doctor will be here in a minute to do your sonogram.
Rachel: Oh, man, I swear, if they sold these at Pottery Barn-
Quote from Monica
Chandler: Hey, aren't you excited we're going on our honeymoon?
Monica: Yeah, I am.
Chandler: [singing] Bermuda, Bahama, Come on, pretty mama-
Monica: That's right. Get it out of your system while we're alone.
Quote from Chandler
Monica: I already packed. The only thing I couldn't find, though, was your Speedo.
Chandler: Speedo? I don't have a Speedo. I'm gonna go pack my regular, long bathing suit.