‘The One Where Rachel Smokes’
Season 5, Episode 18 - Aired April 8, 1999
Rachel feels her boss and co-worker are making important decisions without her when they go outside for a smoke. Meanwhile, Joey auditions for a soup commercial along side Ross's son, Ben, and Phoebe is upset that Monica is taking charge of everything when they throw a birthday party for Rachel.
Quote from Ross
Monica: Hey, how did the audition go?
Ross: [glumly] Not so good.
Monica: Wait a minute. Are you doing Joey's: "The audition didn't go so well. Yeah, it did"?
Ross: Yeah, I am!
Quote from Joey
Joey: [glumly] I had to teach Ross my bit because I actually didn't get a callback.
Monica: You got a callback too, didn't you?
Joey: Yeah, I did!
Quote from Joey
Casting Director: Is there a problem?
Joey: Well, this is noodle soup. And I've been working with tomato. Mm, noodle soup.
Casting Director: Um, that's fine. But the line is "Mm, soup."
Joey: Oh. What'd I say?
Casting Director: Mm, noodle soup.
Joey: How's that different?
Quote from Joey
Ross: You know what? Maybe you didn't mess up your audition because you suck. Maybe you messed up because you care more about your godson.
Joey: What do you mean?
Ross: I think, subconsciously-
Joey: Whoa, whoa. You lost me.
Ross: I think, on some level, you sabotaged your own audition so Ben would get the part.
Joey: Well, your way sounds a lot better than mine. Yeah. Yeah. It's not that I'm a bad actor.
Ross: No.
Joey: It's just that I care so damn much about little Ben that it was more important for me to see him succeed.
Ross: There you go. Thank you.
Joey: Thank you. So did he get it?
Ross: No.
Joey: Eh, what are you gonna do?
Quote from Joey
Casting Director: All right. Let's try one.
Joey: Mm, noodle soup.
Casting Director: Let's do it again.
Joey: Mm, soup. I mean, noodle soup. I mean, soup.
Raymond: Come on!
Quote from Joey
Joey: Man, I've been in that park a million times and no one's offered me an audition.
Ross: I know, it's crazy. We were just pushing Ben on the swings-
Joey: I'm always on the swings. What am I doing wrong?
Chandler: That.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Hey, Ross, if Ben gets the commercial, do you think you can get me some free soup?
Ross: Chandler, a can of soup is like 60 cents.
Chandler: Yeah, okay, but I have been supporting a 29-year-old Italian for five years.
Quote from Joey
Carol: Hey, guys.
Chandler: Hi there.
Carol: Guess what. Ben is gonna be in a TV commercial.
Phoebe: What are you talking about?
Ross: Well, it's not for sure, but we met this guy in the park who thought Ben was really cute. You know, which he is. Anyhoo, he gave us his card and told us to bring him for this commercial he's auditioning.
Joey: Whoa. This guy's like the biggest commercial casting director in town. Ben takes one lousy walk in the park and gets an audition? I mean, way to go, Ben!
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Hey, Rach, now that you work at Ralph Lauren, can you bring me back some of those polo shirts?
Rachel: Well, you know what, I don't know if I feel comfortable stealing on my very first day.
Chandler: Unwilling to steal from work. Interesting.
Quote from Joey
Monica: I think it's a great idea. We can have a dinner party and just invite her close friends.
Joey: [shouting] Ross! We're having a surprise party for Rachel.
Ross: Okay.
Joey: Done.