‘The One Where No One's Ready’
Season 3, Episode 2 - Aired September 26, 1996
Ross is infuriated as he struggles to get his friends ready to attend a speech he's giving at the museum. Monica is obsessing over her break-up with Richard, while Joey and Chandler argue over a chair.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Okay, buddy boy, here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh, my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!
Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler. Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando. [Chandler groans] Yeah. I tell you, it's hot with all this stuff on. I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Excuse me. Hi.
Dr. Sherman Whitfield: Yes?
Chandler: You're kind of sitting in my seat.
Dr. Sherman Whitfield: What do you mean, your seat?
Chandler: I mean, I was sitting there.
Dr. Sherman Whitfield: But you got up.
Chandler: But I never left the room.
Dr. Sherman Whitfield: But you left the chair area.
Chandler: All right, that's it. Give me your underwear.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Get up.
Joey: What?
Chandler: You're in my seat.
Joey: How is this your seat?
Chandler: Because I was sitting there.
Joey: But then you left.
Chandler: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom.
Quote from Monica
Answering Machine: Message erased. To record your message, begin speaking at the tone.
Monica: Hi, Richard. It's Monica. Listen, I did something kind of crazy tonight. Maybe I'm getting my period or something. I don't know. Anyway, I beeped into your machine and I heard this message that freaked me out, and Michelle will tell you the rest. I'm sorry, okay? And I hope that we can just forget the whole thing.
Answering Machine: Your outgoing message has now been changed.
Quote from Joey
Joey: What's the big deal? Sit somewhere else.
Chandler: The "big deal" is I was sitting there last. So, it's my seat.
Joey: Well, actually, the last place you were sitting was in there, so...
Quote from Phoebe
Rachel: Hey, guys, does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Phoebe: I don't know. You might be the first one.
Quote from Phoebe
Ross: It starts at 8. We can't be late.
Phoebe: "He could not, would not, want to wait."
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Rachel didn't have anything I liked, so... But she had this Christmas ribbon. So I thought, all right, I'll be political.
Chandler: What are you supporting?
Phoebe: Duh. Christmas.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: You know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
Quote from Ross
Joey: What's the matter, Ross? You nervous about your speech?
Ross: Nope. You wanna hear it?
Joey: Am I in it?
Ross: Yep. After I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.