Rachel: So what happens next?
Joey: Well, I get the medical award for separating the Siamese twins. Then Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramon, and that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big, but it's cursed.
Rachel: So cool.
Chandler: God, that is good TV.

Chandler: Pheebs, play with me.
Phoebe: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist by a steel bar forced to play soccer forever? Uh, hello? Human rights violation.

Joey: Hey, Pheebs, check it out. Check it out.
Phoebe: Ooh, Soap Opera Digest. Oh, that's one of my favorite digests.

Richard: What about my two?
Monica: Well, it just seems like a really small number.
Richard: Right, and?
Monica: And, don't you have a lot of wild oats to sow? Or is that what you're doing with me? Oh, my God. Am I an oat?

Rachel: Well, maybe they could find a way to bring you back.
Joey: Na. They said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor who could've saved me was me. It's supposed to be some kind of irony.

Joey: I fall down an elevator shaft? What does this mean? I fall down an elevator shaft?
Messenger: I don't know. I just bring the scripts.
Joey: They can't kill me. I'm Francesca's long-lost son.
Messenger: Right. Could you sign?
Joey: No. No way. I'm not signing that.
Messenger: I don't think that's going to affect the plot of the show.
Joey: How can they do this to me?
Messenger: All right, I'm just gonna go. Sorry.

Richard: You know, I don't need the actual number. Just a ballpark.
Monica: Okay, it is definitely less than a ballpark.

Richard: Shall we?
Monica: It's not gonna happen. They're doing it tonight. We can do it tomorrow.
Richard: In the future, if I could see the schedule beforehand.

Rachel: Can we watch Joey's show now, please?
Monica: Wait. He's not here yet.
Rachel: He's on the show. He knows what happens.

Monica: Did they just kill off Joey?
Ross: No. [thud on TV] Now maybe.