‘The One Hundredth’
Season 5, Episode 3 - Aired October 8, 1998
The group follow Phoebe to the hospital when she goes into labor. Meanwhile, Chandler is upset when Rachel sets Monica up on a date, and Joey has his own painful delivery after he's diagnosed with kidney stones.
Quote from Ross
Ross: To be fair, he doesn't seem to be impersonating Fonzie-
Phoebe: What are you doing? Why are you defending him? Just get me another doctor who is not crazy and does not Fonzie.
Ross: Again, it's not that he-
Phoebe: Aah! Aah!
Quote from Joey
Doctor: Now, ordinarily, Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break the stones up with shock waves. But they're too close to the bladder. Which means we can either we wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra-
Joey: Whoa, whoa. No, no, no, no. Nothing is going up, okay? Up is not an option. What's a urethra? [Monica whispers in Joey's ear] Are you crazy?
Quote from Joey
Doctor: Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones.
Joey: Well, what else could it be?
Doctor: It's kidney stones.
Joey: Or...?
Doctor: Kidney stones.
Quote from Phoebe
Ross: Phoebe, it's gonna be okay.
Phoebe: Easy for you to say. I don't see three kids coming out of your vagina.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Hi, I'm Phoebe Buffay and I have babies coming out of me.
Quote from Phoebe
Nurse: Have you started having contractions?
Phoebe: Not yet. But I've heard they really hurt. Do they?
Nurse: Well-
Phoebe: Oh, my God.
Nurse: Now, which of you is the father?
Phoebe: No, none of them are. The father is my brother.
Nurse: Okay.
Rachel: I am so going to miss watching you freak people out like that.
Quote from Phoebe
Dr. Harad: Hi, Phoebe. I'm Dr. Harad. I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know you're going to be in good hands. I've been doing this a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal. In the mean time, just relax because everything looks great.
And also, I love Fonzie.
Chandler: Did he just say he loves Fonzie?
Monica: That's what it sounded like.
Chandler: All right.
Quote from Chandler
Phoebe: Where's Alice?
Frank: Delaware. She's on her way, though. So until she gets here, I'll be your coach. Don't worry. She told me about the LaMazda stuff.
Chandler: Yeah, that's when if your baby's out by the end of month, they give you two percent financing.
Frank: Yeah.
Quote from Joey
Rachel: Monica, you're gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses.
Joey: Oh, my!
Rachel: They are male nurses.
Joey: Not in my head.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Okay, I'm having another one. This one doesn't hurt eith- Yes, it does! Ow. Ow, ow, ow. Ow! [looks under her blanket] Oh, I was kind of hoping that was it.