Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Went to the store, Sat on Santa's lap, Asked him to bring my friends, All kinds of crap, Said all you need is, To write them a song, Now you haven't heard it yet, So don't try to sing along, No, don't sing along, Monica, Monica Have a happy Hannukah, Saw Santa Claus, He said hello to Ross, And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy, And Rachel and Chandler, [indistinct] Happy holidays, everybody!

Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you a merry Christmas.
Monica: What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo?
Ross: Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas.
Monica: Well, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted, coming all the way from Texas.
Ben: Texas?
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the Southern states. And Mexico!

Joey: Why are you doing this?
Ross: Because I am bored out of my mind. I've already been to the bank, the post office and the dry cleaners.
Joey: Dude, you just described seven days' worth of stuff. You gotta spread it out a little.

Joey: Haven't you ever been unemployed?
Ross: Hey, I am not unemployed. I'm on sabbatical.
Joey: Hey, don't get religious on me, okay?

Joey: A guy in your position needs to be better at relaxing, you know. Why do you think we have comfortable chairs? Look. Here, sit down. Ready? Watch. And then.
Ross: So, what? We just sit?
Joey: Oh, no, no. We're not gonna just sit. Watch. [dials phone]
Chandler: [on the phone] Hello, Chandler Bing.
Joey: [in a sultry, female voice] Hello, Mr. Bing. I love you.
Chandler: [on the phone] All right, whoever this is, stop calling me. It's been 6 months. It's not funny.
Joey: [in a sultry, female voice] But I love you.
Chandler: Leave me alone. For the love of God, leave me alone!
Joey: And that's Wednesday.