Frasier: Uh, listen, Daphne, uh, I was just wondering, is your mom partial to a traditional Cornwall dressing? You see, I’m thinking it would go splendidly with the 12-pound Hungarian goose that I’m serving.
Daphne: Mum is spending Christmas on a cruise. An early Christmas present from Niles.
Niles: Yes, uh, I didn’t think she’d go for it, but apparently in international waters they can play single-deck blackjack.

Frasier: Dad, you decide where we’re having Christmas.
Niles: I’m fine with that.
Martin: All right, I will. I need a few days to think about it. In the mean time decision-making is thirsty work. Sure could use a beer.
Niles: Oh, I’ll get it.
Frasier: No! No! I’ll get it!
Martin: [to Daphne] A little trick their mom taught me.

Daphne: Why are you being so weird? He seems perfect.
Roz: I don’t know. Just wasn’t what I was expecting. Something’s missing.
Daphne: Like what?
Roz: I don’t know. You know what? At the mall, he has all this warmth, and he’s got this jolly sense of humor. Oh, you should see him when he laughs. His whole stomach shakes.
Daphne: Oh my God, you’re in love with Santa Claus.
Roz: No, I’m not.
Daphne: Well, it makes sense when you think about it. Santa’s the perfect man. He’s a good listener, he likes to travel, gives great presents.

Daphne: Admit it. You want the jelly belly.
Roz: Okay, don’t be gross.
Daphne: You want to bang boots with the big boy.
Roz: I got to get back to work.
Daphne: You want to get your paws on the Claus, is more like it.
Roz: Stop it, Daphne. That’s enough!
Daphne: One more. You’re a ho, ho, ho!

Frasier: Listen, Dad’s still here. I couldn’t get rid of him. You’ll have to come back in an hour.
Niles: No, no, no, we can’t do that. The maintenance man in Dad’s building was so nervous about us taking these out of the lobby, I promised him we’d have our real gifts back under his tree by ten o’clock.
Frasier: All right, what we need is a really good distraction. I’ll tell you what. Knock when you’ve thought of one.

Martin: What were you doing out there?
Frasier: Nothing. Thought I heard the door knock.
[There's a knock on the door]
Martin: Hey, that’s pretty good.

Frasier: Oh. Hello, guys. Dad, look who it is. It’s Niles and Daphne.
Martin: I see ‘em.
Frasier: So, what brings you two here?
Niles: Good question, Frasier. Daphne?
Daphne: I need your father’s help with a present, and that’s what we’re doing here.
Niles: Exactly. Yes.

Frasier: Niles, did you notice my Christmas village? Would you like to see smoke waft out of the cobbler’s chimney?

Niles: Frasier, I have to warn you. These prop boxes are heavy. Some idiot weighed them down with bricks.
Frasier: Just our luck we get the only method lobby decorator in all of Seattle.

Frasier: How much time do you think Daphne can buy us with Dad?
Niles: Not much. They’re just putting batteries in the digital camera we’re giving you. ... Act surprised.
Frasier: Right.