Frasier: Christmas without Dad.
Niles: It just won’t be Christmas.
Frasier: I know. He’s always the first one under the tree. Mom always said the she was his biggest kid, because he could never wait to open his presents.
Niles: Oh, he always puts on a brave face, but I know he especially misses Mom at Christmas.
Frasier: Niles. Where is it written that we have to have Christmas at either of our homes?
Niles: The Thanksgiving Accord of 2002.

Frasier: Oh, Niles, it’ll be the best Christmas we ever had.
Niles: Look, I’m getting goose bumps.
Frasier: Oh, no, Niles. That’s your pine rash. You’re too close to the tree.

Frasier: May I have a latte to go, please? And I hope they aren’t paying you extra to wear that.
James: No, but I was hoping it would help with my tips.
Frasier: Ah, well, as you know, my tipping policy stands firmly on the twin pillars of courtesy and efficiency, but today, I shall include whimsy. Merry Christmas.
James: God bless you, sir.
Frasier: Well.

Roz: Hi. I just got back from the costume shop. I had to get my toes re-curled.
Frasier: Ah, yes. Which reminds me, how are things with Mr. Claus?
Roz: Oh, well, I haven’t had a chance to ask him out yet.
Frasier: What’s the matter? Low elf-esteem?
Roz: How long have you been waiting to say that?
Frasier: Two days. I almost called you.

Frasier: Okay, look, it just seems that Niles is systematically emptying my home. We used to have Thanksgiving dinner there... gone. Daphne... gone. If I let him have Christmas, I’ll have nothing left. Just end up some doddering old bachelor. Sipping tea and keeping the apartment at a balmy 78 degrees!
Roz: And how is that different from now?

Frasier: Excuse me, I smell skullduggery afoot.

Martin: All right, you two. Knock it off.
Niles: Let’s just settle this now. Sit down. Dad, make your decision.
Martin: You know, I’m really disappointed in you guys. I thought if I gave you a little time you’d be mature enough to work this out on your own.
Frasier: Well, you were wrong!

Daphne: Wow, Roz, you never told me he was so gorgeous.
Roz: Oh, I’ve never seen him out of his costume before.
Daphne: He’s successful and he’s got great taste. Those shoes, Enrico Zaglionis. Niles is teaching me.

Roz: I’m really surprised, Frasier. I didn’t think you’d go for something kitschy like that.
Frasier: At Christmastime, I say let a thousand antlers bloom.
Roz: Oh, well, what a relief. [Roz takes off her jacket to reveal an elf costume]
Frasier: Ho, ho, ho. Roz.
Roz: I’m working Santa’s Toy Drive at the mall. I’m an elf.

Roz: When I was seven, my mom and dad took me to the mall to see Santa, and they were going through their divorce at the time, so they were barely talking. Anyway, when I sat down on Santa’s lap, I started to cry. And he was just so nice. He made me feel safe and protected. I don’t know, it just made me feel special. So, if I could do that for just one little kid, you know, I’d like to do that.
Frasier: I’m sorry I laughed at you, Roz. You should be very proud of yourself.
Roz: Thank you. And I better go before I’m late.
Frasier: Oh, right. You know what? I’m going, too. I’ll walk with you.
Roz: Okay. [As Roz starts to walk away, her shoes jingle]
Frasier: Actually, Roz, why don’t you just go ahead. I’m going to get myself a scone.