Frasier: Dad, I'm sorry, if Frederick's anything like me, the kind of toys he'll like to play with are... A kitchen set, a dollhouse and three kinds of Barbies. Oh, good God. This is for a Franklin Crane from Kennebunkport. Oh, God, do you realize what this means?
Niles: Yes. The Cranes of Maine have got your Living Brain.

Frasier: Oh, Niles. I hope you had the presence of mind to bring presents of mine.
Niles: I haven't heard that line since last year. But then again, Christmas is the season for chestnuts.

Niles: Why do you have to make everything so difficult?
Frasier: Excuse me, Niles, but I’ve got news for you. Copernicus called, and you are not the center of the universe!

Roz: Well, what is the big deal? Why don’t you let him have Christmas?
Frasier: Because it’s just so unfair.
Roz: What’s not fair?
Frasier: Oh, you wouldn’t understand.
Roz: Well, come on, Frasier, talk to me. Use your words.
Frasier: It’s just so egregious.
Roz: Smaller words.

Niles: Frasier, you've had Christmas for the past nine years.
Frasier: Yes, but we agreed when you hosted Thanksgiving that we would have Christmas here in its traditional setting.
Niles: Well, maybe it's time to start a new tradition.
Frasier: But I've had new stockings loomed for everyone. Now, there, you see! You made me spoil the surprise. And did no one hear me say that I have ordered an Hungarian goose?
Niles: Which you are more than welcome to bring over to our place.
Frasier: It's not my date, it's dinner!