Frasier: Well, that's a very healthy approach, Niles. What are your plans?
Niles: Well, I thought I'd sit alone in my cavernous apartment, rocking back and forth while hugging my knees.

Martin: Hey, Fras, this is great. You got one of those bedrooms where the bathroom turns into a shower?
Frasier: Yes, Dad.

Frasier: And before you say anything, I had no idea what Spartan conditions we were in for.
Niles: It's quite all right. Once I got over my fear that I'd be hauled below deck and manacled to another oarsman, I actually started to enjoy myself.

Roz: [reading] "Live and in Person: Radio star Dr. Frasier Crane!" How about that?
Frasier: That's embarrassing. I don't know if I really care for the word "star," considering the caliber of the other people on board.
Niles: "The Comedy Stylings of Giggles O'Shea." Oh yes, you're in stellar company. Oh, and look, they even
managed to snare a magician: "The Amazing Lance Gould."
Martin: Oh, he's great. I caught his act in Reno a few years ago. For his finale, he made his own head disappear!
Niles: Now, did the toupee go too, or did it just hover over the collar?
Frasier: Dear God! You booked me on a floating Gong Show! What happened to Zubin Mehta and Gore Vidal?

Barracuda: Buenos noches. Habla espanol?
Roz: Uh, not really.
Barracuda: Is no matter. I am sure you are schooled in the... international language.
Frasier: Oh yes, Roz, say something amusing in Esperanto.

Roz: Okay, you're right. We're on the Voyage of the Damned.

[After the waiter throws a drink in Niles' face for the second time]
Niles: Just out of curiosity, how much are these running her?

Roz: I like this opening joke you wrote, it's very funny.
Frasier: Thank you. I can't take all the credit, actually. I had a patty melt with Giggles before his show.

Frasier: Oh, I feel so guilty about this. When will I learn to stop interfering in other peoples' affairs? I'd better go talk to Maris, see if I can fix this.
Roz: You're gonna butt in again?
Frasier: I don't see what business that is of yours.
Roz: Here comes your dad.
Frasier: Oh, no. Oh, no. No. If he finds out, I'll never hear the end of it.

Martin: Boy, that "Taste of Alaska" spread was a bust. You want to know what caribou meat tastes like? Not chicken.