Frasier: First, I'm going to go talk to Maris.
Roz: You just said-
Frasier: Forget what I said. You're coming along, too.
Roz: Why do you need me? I don't even know her.
Frasier: You can vouch for Niles's innocence.
Roz: Oh, all right. I'm kind of curious to meet her, anyway. You know, in all these years, I've never actually seen
her face?
Frasier: Well, I haven't seen her most recent one, so this'll be a new experience for both of us.

Frasier: All right, now let me do all the talking. Oh, and if it looks like she has an orange Abyssinian on her head, don't stare. That's a wiglet.

Martin: Niles, why don't you take off that wet coat and stay for dinner. I'll get us started with a couple of nice hot toddies, just like we used to make down at Duke's.
Frasier: You know, Dad, there's a recipe in this book for a hot toddy. It calls for courvoisier, chamomile tea, and a dash of framboise!
Martin: Garnish it with a few rose petals and that's just how Duke used to serve it.

Frasier: Well, Karl, I guess you've got two choices. Either you have the tattoo removed, or you travel the globe searching for another soul mate named Fredwina.

Roz: Hey, I was just looking over this offer you got from the Siren Cruise Line. They want to know if-
Frasier: Roz, you know my policy on commercial endorsements.
Roz: Just listen. One of their celebrity entertainers cancelled on a cruise that's going to Alaska, and they'll let us both go for free if you'll fill in, and all you have to do is give a brief lecture-
Frasier: Roz, I'm a psychiatrist, not a huckster. There are still some of us in this profession who believe in ... mahogany wainscoting?
Roz: Isn't that fabulous? And just look at those staterooms.
Frasier: Wow...
Roz: Not to mention the gourmet chefs, the world-class health spa...
Frasier: Well, it does sound awfully tempting, Roz, but I just don't think it's right to trade on one's good name for a free trip.
Roz: Well, plenty of people do. Look, last month, Zubin Mehta did one, General Schwartzkopf. It says right here, Gore Vidal did two of them.
Frasier: Gore Vidal? He hates everything.

Roz: But, if you feel it would tarnish your image, I'll just call Vicki and tell her you said no.
Frasier: Vicki? Who's Vicki?
Roz: Oh, she books the celebrities. We met once at a party a long time ago, I'm surprised she remembered me. Frasier, we're on in ten seconds.
Frasier: Now, just wait a minute. Roz, you didn't tell me this was a favor for a good friend.
Roz: She's not a good friend.
Frasier: Roz, obviously this woman means something to you. It's certainly an awkward position you've put me in.
Roz: Frasier, I don't care.
Frasier: All right, I'll go. But it's the last time I pull your chestnuts out of the fire.

Daphne: I wish I could remember what it is I forgot to do. Oh well, you know what they say. If you can't remember, it probably wasn't important anyway.
[Martin angrily stomps into the apartment, soaking wet.]
Frasier: Dad.
Daphne: Oh, no!
Frasier: You are dripping.
Martin: Yeah, that's what'll happen when you're standing out on in the rain waiting for your ride.
Daphne: Mr. Crane, I am so sorry!
Martin: What the hell were you thinking?
Frasier: Venting these emotions is all well and good, Dad, but I just had these floors waxed!

Frasier: Good point, Dad. Now, could you just step on that, please? [Eddie comes in] Oh, God, he's wet too. No, no. Damn him! Daphne, help me get this canine sprinkler out of here.

Daphne: Oh, now, don't be too cross with him, Dr. Crane. As my mum used to say, there'll be no dogs in hell.
Frasier: I sincerely doubt that.

Frasier: Well, I just think that when two people are having problems, their emotions can get the better of them. A third party can provide some perspective.
Martin: They already have a therapist. And if Niles needs any more help, he's got Dr. Jim Beam here and he makes house calls.