Frasier: I do recall a story you told me not long ago, about a young girl living in Wisconsin who wanted desperately for her mother to drive her to Chicago to see Bobby Sherman open a shopping mall. But her mother was just too busy. And so what did that little girl do that night? She cried herself to sleep on her little Bobby Sherman pillow.
Roz: I hate you!

Daphne: Ready for the game?
Frederick: Yeah.
Daphne: You don't sound too exited.
Frederick: I just found out that Dad's bad at softball and Grandpa can't do math in his head.
Daphne: Those things aren't important. What can I do to make you feel better?
Frederick: Maybe a hug?
Daphne: Oh, come here.
[Frederick and Niles share a sly smile]

Frasier: I take it you lost the game.
Bulldog: No, we won the game, but Roz got kicked out for arguing with the ump. She kicked dirt on his shoes, chest-butted him, almost took a bite out of his finger when he stuck it in her face. You can't coach that kind of thing.

Roz: All right, there's a guy on second, one guy's out, I drive one to the gap. The throw top the cut-off man is late, our guy's safe at home, I try to stretch it to a double. I make a beautiful hook slide right into the tag. How can I be out?
Frasier: I'm still trying to understand why you drove to the Gap in the middle of the game.

Roz: Oh, can I play second base?
Bulldog: Er, no. Sorry, Liz Budner's playing second.
Roz: Liz Budner? Why? What can she do that I can't?
Bulldog: It's what she will do that you won't.

Frasier: Oh, Roz, um, listen, didn't you used to date some executive at Microsoft?
Roz: Oh, Scott Blankman! Ugh, talk about your messy break-ups. Even after I dumped the guy, he kept calling me. At first he'd make excuses, "Oh sorry, I hit the wrong button on my speed dial", and then he just gave up the pretense and there'd be sobbing on the other end of the line. I finally said, "Scott, I never, ever want to talk to you again." Why do you ask?
Frasier: I'd like you to give him a call.
Roz: What?
Frasier: Well, Frederick's coming to visit me this week. The only thing he asked for was a tour of Microsoft, and I sort of already, well, promised that I could arrange it for him.
Roz: Frasier, you're asking me to call a man who camped outside my apartment building and held a big sign up that said, "Roz Doyle is afraid to love!"

Frederick: Dad, did Grandpa ever tell you the story of how he captured four bank robbers with just a nightstick?
Frasier: No. He did tell me how he captured two bank robbers with just a revolver, his partner and a S.W.A.T. team.
Martin: They got there later.

Frederick: Hi, Daphne.
Daphne: Hello, Frederick.
Martin: Hey, Freddie, tell your dad what you saw in the park today.
Frederick: Hi, Daphne.
Daphne: Frederick's my boyfriend.
Niles: Oh, really?
Frederick: I've a present for you, wait here.
Martin: That's so cute. He's got a crush on you.
Frasier: Yes, you should have seen him last night. He spent the entire evening sitting on Daphne's lap watching TV.
Niles: Really.
Daphne: And this morning I heard this soft little knocking at my door and it was Frederick asking if he could climb into bed with me.
Niles: Really.
Frederick: This is for you.
Daphne: Oh, isn't this lovely? Look, here's Frederick and here I am. And what are we doing?
Freddie: Getting married.
Niles: Really.

Niles: Frasier, do you really think it's healthy for a little boy to be so obsessed with a woman he can't possibly have?
Frasier: Niles, have you actually sunk so low as to be jealous of him?
Niles: No, I'm not jealous. I'm just a bit... Well, maybe envious.
Martin: That's ridiculous. What have you got to be envious of?
[Daphne gives Freddie a piggyback ride through the living room]

Frasier: And this is the booth where it all happens.
Frederick: Very impressive.
Frasier: Well, this is the talk-back button here, if I want to talk to Roz. And this is the cough button if I want to mute the mike. Oh, and this button here's very special. It sends a death ray shooting from the phone of any caller who annoys me.
Frederick: You wish.
Frasier: Yes, I do.