Niles: You know, it's funny. You could take a million years to plan the perfect evening, and you'd never come up with this. Daphne, I have to ask you a question.
Daphne: Hold on. [Blows nose loudly. Stops briefly. Repeats] You were saying?
Niles: Daphne Moon, will you, and your beautiful toes and your exquisite ankles and your precious knees, elbows and arms and fingers, shoulders... Will you marry me?
Daphne: Oh, Niles! Of course I will.

Roz: Well, maybe if you cut it down a little bit, you could get through it before the waterworks start. Let me take a look. Well, what about this paragraph here? I mean, aren't words like "hopeless" and "despairing" kind of a downer in a proposal?
Niles: Oh, well this is where I describe my life before I met her. See, and then comes the part where she comes along and the meter changes to a more sprightly iambic: "Now my life has meaning." Things that never made sense before suddenly are clear. It's all because of this... wonderful woman.

Gertrude: What a wonderful sunset. I bet you ordered it just for me, didn't you, Marty?
Martin: Actually, the sun goes down almost every night.
Gertrude: Oh, you.

Martin: Okay, I'll tell you the truth. You know, I was shot, right?
Gertrude: Yes, in the hip.
Martin: Except that the damage wasn't confined to the hip. There were fragments that traveled... south.
Gertrude: Oh. You mean...?
Martin: Yep.
Gertrude: Yes, but you can still...
Martin: Nope.
Gertrude: But they have pills now...
Martin: Nope.
Gertrude: Acupuncture?
Martin: Ooh! Don't remind me. No, the sad fact is, it just doesn't work. I have absolutely no sexual feeling in my groin area, period.

Niles: Where did that come from?
Frasier: I mean, really. To just assume something like that, out of the blue...
Both: Latent.
Martin: Well you gotta admit, it wasn't such a big leap, given the situation.
Frasier: And just what is that supposed to- [gasps] What bejeweled seraph has escaped her provenance now?

Niles: Now?
Frasier: Not yet.
Niles: Well, exactly how drunk does he have to get?
Frasier: To agree to take Daphne's mother out while you propose to her? Drunk, Niles.

Martin: [o.s.] Whoopsy.
Niles: You're sure he hasn't had enough?
Frasier: Dad, what was the name of that widow you dated several years ago?
Martin: You mean Claire Wojadubakowski?
Frasier: Not yet.

Martin: Boy, I tell ya, I haven't had this much to drink since the night I proposed to your mother.
Niles: Really?
Martin: Yeah. That was quite a night, I was nervous as hell...
Frasier: I love this story.
Martin: And then she said "No."
Frasier: What? I've never heard this version.
Martin: Well, she wanted to get married, but she just wasn't ready.
Frasier: Well, what was it that finally convinced her to say "Yes"?
Martin: Oh, you don't want to know.
Frasier: Well, come on, Dad, what Marty Crane magic did you weave to get her to change her mind?
Martin: Actually, I didn't change her mind, Fras. You did.
Frasier: Oh, dear God!

Frasier: Dad, you know we were just talking about the fact that I was a- a guest at your wedding?
Martin: Yeah?
Frasier: Well, it's just the least bit startling. And I have always respected you and Mother and the decisions that you made throughout your lifetime, but this information does beg one question. Dad, am I...?
Martin: A year older? No. Your birthday's the same. We just faked our anniversary all these years.
Frasier: Oh, thank heavens!

Niles: You'll never guess what I have planned for tonight.
Daphne: All I want to do is stuff Kleenex up me nose, collapse on the couch and pray for death.
Niles: Keep guessing.