Holden Thorpe: "If you ask me, the day we get the likes of you off the radio will be the day America will be a nice, friendly place to live again."
Frasier: All right, you've said your piece, now you're gonna listen to mine! [Thorpe hangs up] Hang up on me, will you?! Well, all right, even though you may not be listening, the people of Seattle are gonna hear what I have to say!
Roz: No, they won't. The show ended five seconds ago, I had to send it to traffic.

Frasier: Oh, Daphne, I thought we agreed you'd keep him out of here for two hours.
Phil Patterson: Yeah. Well, I walked him around the park, but you know how he gets. He starts whining and whimpering until you can't stand it any longer.
Phil Patterson: [petting Eddie] Oh, don't let them talk about you like that, little fella.
Martin: She was talking about me.

Frasier: Hello, Seattle. I'm back. This is Dr. Frasier Crane and I have just learned during the commercial break that it has become public knowledge that Phil Patterson, candidate for Congress, believes in aliens from outer space. Not only does he believe in them, he believes he has met with them. That he was beamed aboard their spaceship for a little interplanetary tete-a-tete. [Roz shakes her head at Frasier] Shocked? Well, all right. [Roz knocks on the glass] But I say, let's ask ourselves these questions. Has this harmless delusion, most likely brought on by overwork and sleep deprivation, adversely affected his voting record in any way? I ask you, and I say no. What great leader doesn't have his quirks? Ronald Reagan saw an astrologist. General Patton believed in reincarnation. Even J. Edgar Hoover let his slip show once in a while! People, we're talking about a great leader here! We shouldn't concern ourselves with these minor eccentricities. What's important, what really counts, is what's in here. I'm pointing at my chest now.

Martin: Well, I like him. He's gonna put more cops on the street.
Daphne: Yeah, well, it couldn't hurt. Now that everyone and his brother's walking around armed, makes me glad we don't have so many guns in England.
Frasier: You don't need guns, you've got kidney pie.

Waitress: Can I help you, sir?
Frasier: Yes, what are your specials today?
Waitress: Kenyan blend.
Frasier: No, no, no, no. Still poaching elephants over there. Got something else?
Waitress: Dark roast Brazilian.
Frasier: Not until they do something about the loss of our rain forests.
Waitress: Salvadoran?
Frasier: No, I've never forgiven them for their human rights violations.
Waitress: Well, then we're down to the Hawaiian Kona blend. Or, have they slaughtered too many macadamia nuts?
Frasier: That'll be fine, thank you.

Niles: A candidate like this doesn't come along that often. He's hard-working. He volunteers weekends at a soup kitchen. He really cares about people. Finally, a politician who believes in the things we believe in.
[A young boy approaches with a box of chocolates]
Boy: Buy a box of chocolate, send a kid to camp?
Niles: Excuse me, can't you see we're talking here?!

Martin: Hey, Duke, this one was my idea. Remember when Lyndon Johnson lifted up his shirt to show his scar?
[Martin turns up the volume on the TV]
Martin: [on TV] Hi, I'm Marty Crane. Crime isn't pretty. And if you don't believe me, look at this!

Frasier: Listen, Phil, as a psychiatrist, anything you tell me will be kept in the strictest confidence. ... You know, it's funny how the more you bottle things up inside, the bigger they seem to be.
Phil Patterson: Well, I've never told anybody this before, but- Okay, here goes. Six years ago, I was abducted by aliens.
Frasier: ... Aliens?
Phil Patterson: They transported me up to their spaceship for a kind of conference. They're very concerned about what we're doing to our planet. Hey, you were right. Now that I've said it out loud, it doesn't seem like that big a deal.
Frasier: [faintly] No.

Frasier: Phil Patterson. [close to tears] The sane choice.

Frasier: As a mental health expert, I've been listening to what my good friend Phil Patterson has to say. I like the way his mind works. He's a visionary, and he cares about ... [whimpering] the little people.