‘The Candidate’
Season 2, Episode 7 - Aired November 8, 1994
After Martin is featured in a political campaign video for a reactionary politician, Frasier and Niles decide to support his opponent.
Quote from Niles
Niles: What's going on in there? You look like a zombie!
Frasier: Oh God, Niles! I've got something I'd really like to get off my chest, but if I told you I'd be violating a doctor-patient confidence.
Niles: Oh, I see. Well, nothing is more sacrosanct than our professional ethics. Fortunately, I know a trick to get around them. For the next few minutes, I'll be your psychiatrist, and then you can spill your guts with impunity.
Frasier: Well, it's borderline, but I'm desperate!
Quote from Bulldog
Roz: What aliens?
Bulldog: Turns out Patterson's got a couple of illegal aliens from Guatemala working in his house. No greencards, no documents, no chance!
Quote from Martin
Daphne: Well, at least Mr. Patterson got eight percent.
Martin: Yeah, well, they must have been counting absentee votes from the planet Krypton!
Quote from Frasier
Daphne: Oh, come on now, Dr. Crane. It wasn't all your fault. I'm sure having those Guatemalans in his home would have cost him some votes anyway.
Frasier: Those Guatemalans were exchange students. Phil was giving them free room and board as a goodwill gesture between countries.
Quote from Niles
Frasier: This is appalling. Those people are exploiting you.
Martin: No, they're not. I like Thorpe.
Niles: Oh, how could you support that odious little hose-head? I once heard him say, "Cancer aside, tobacco is good for the economy."
Quote from Martin
Martin: I'm glad you liked it, Duke. Yeah, it was fun. Hey, I got a lot of showbiz secrets to tell you. You know they can make you cry on cue by pulling a hair out of your nose?
Quote from Frasier
Niles: Frasier, I can't stand it. I just walked by an electronics store and there in the window were twenty-two television sets and on every screen was Dad's ... [looks around] ... butt.
Frasier: [nods] I saw it. I don't know which is worse, seeing his butt, or what it stands for.
Quote from Frasier
Bulldog: Way to be impartial, Doc. [honks horn] You know, I happen to think Thorpe's a good man. Why? Who you voting for, that pretty boy Phil Patterson?
Roz: Yeah, Patterson's great. His reapportionment plan makes a lot of sense.
Frasier: Forget it, Roz. He's happily married.
Quote from Martin
Martin: Well, I'd like to stay here and gloat, but I gotta get changed to go to the big celebration down at Thorpe
headquarters. Hey, you're welcome to tag along if you'd like. You're quite a hero down there!
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: [hitting his head] Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! ... When will I learn that it hurts when I do that?