Martin: What's it about anyway?
Frasier: That is not important.
Daphne: It's about his first time.
Frasier: Thank you, Daphne.
Niles: Your first time doing what?
Frasier: Changing a flat tire!
Niles: ... Oh!

Frasier: Roz! How can you be reading now?
Roz: Oh, I don't know, it's something I picked up in elementary school and it stuck.

Frasier: Now look! This was not some tired older woman lusting after young flesh. Clarice and I cared for each other. She showed me a world I'd never known, and wouldn't know again for six and a half years.

Niles: You never said goodbye to Miss Warner?
Frasier: Well, she was sleeping so peacefully. She had an early lesson. I left a rose on her pillow.
Niles: Aha
Frasier: "Aha," what?
Niles: "Aha" this, I have a theory.
Frasier: Well, why else would you say "aha"?

Frasier: I can't see him. I'll have to tell him how much I liked his book. You know how hard it is to lie to someone's face.
Roz: Oh, no, it's easy for someone as bright and charming and articulate as you.
Frasier: Well, then perhaps you're right.
Roz: See how easy it is?

Frasier: Roz, Roz, you haven't told anyone about this, have you? They'll have a field day with me.
Roz: Frasier, give me credit for a little discretion, would you?
Bulldog: Hey, piano boy! Way to pound those ivories!
Frasier: Bulldog, Bulldog. Listen, it is imperative that this not be commonly known.
Bulldog: Hey, doc, it's no big deal. [Bulldog hits the vending machine with his head] Anything for you? I've still got some feeling on the other side of my head. Look, I had a similar experience when I was sixteen, with an older woman who introduced me to the mysteries of love. Of course, she was a hooker. [Roz looks shocked] Hey, it was a birthday present from my dad, okay? You wanna know the ironic thing, doc? All I wanted was a bike!

Frasier: Hello Steven, I'm listening.
Steven: "Well, you see Dr. Crane, my wife Tracy and I are having a baby and I know we're getting a little ahead of ourselves, but there seems to be a lot of different advice about whether it's okay to let your kid climb into bed with you in the morning."
Frasier: Ah. Stop right there, Steven. It's okay. All relationships require that kind of close and undivided attention. Isn't that so, Roz?
Roz: Uh-huh.
Steven: "But what if you and your wife enjoy, you know, making love in the morning?"
Frasier: Trust me, after the baby comes that won't be an issue anymore. This is Dr. Frasier Crane on KACL. We'll be back after these messages.

Daphne: Eight. Nine. Stop it, Eddie!
Martin: Oh, he just wants to play, huh boy?
Daphne: Yeah, well, therapy is not a game. Stop it. Stop it, I said. If he keeps this up then there's no point in us going on with these exercises.
[As Daphne goes to answer the door, Martin slips Eddie a treat]
Martin: Atta boy!

Niles: Just who was this charitable lass?
Frasier: That is not important!
Daphne: His piano teacher.
Martin: His piano teacher?
Frasier: Thank you again, Daphne!
Daphne: It's not like it's a secret, it's all right there in black and white. About your awkward teenage lunging and how you used to call your chest hair your "Rug of Love."
Frasier: Well, not all of it's true. He did take some literary license.
Daphne: Oh, then you're not really able to "bring a woman to hidden realms of ecstasy with your panther-like prowess?"
Frasier: Well, that part he got right.

Daphne: It's true. As Mr. Fallow put it, "She saw his sensitive, poetic side. You couldn't help noticing the way her ripe, heaving bosom would brush your cheek when she reached for the metronome."
Frasier: What kind of man who drank so heavily remembers so much?