Martin: [to Eddie] Hey, you're lookin' a little under the weather. You all right?
Frasier: He most certainly is not. He dined on that lovely can of bacon fat you've been hiding under the sink.
Martin: Oh, geez. Poor little guy. You know, bacon grease is bad for dogs.
Frasier: Ironic, considering its vast health benefits for humans.

Frasier: So, Randy, where were we?
Randy: Your brother was just telling me how Maris is coping with jail. So, is it true that Maris tried to break out?
Niles: Oh, no, no, no. Her eyebrow pencil simply rolled out of her cell and she went to get it. It's really the jail's fault for making those bars so far apart.

Kenny: [on the phone] No, he'll make for a great profile: SeaBeas record holder, doctor, big ladies man, the whole ball of wax. Well, you can ask him yourself.
Frasier: [taking the phone] Hello? Yes, well, when would be a good time for you? Oh, I've just had the greatest idea: Why don't you interview me while we're at the SeaBee Awards? Yes, it will be a freewheeling chat against a glittering backdrop. Splendid! I will see you anon.
Kenny: [taking back the phone] Hey. No, he always talks like that.

Martin: Long night, Niles?
Niles: Oh, a bit. We were out at a party last night.
Daphne: At Bill Gates's house.
Frasier: Really? Some sort of charity event?
Niles: No, no, just a few people over for dinner. His wife has been following Maris' case and she wanted to meet us. It seems the story's captured everyone's imagination and people want to get the inside scoop.
Daphne: Their house is enormous. I got lost going to the loo, but a voice in the wall guided me back.

Frasier: Anyway, I thought after lunch we might stop by the museum for the Goya exhibit.
Niles: Actually, we're going tomorrow night with the Blenkinsops.
Frasier: Tomorrow? But the museum's closed tomorrow.
Niles: Uh, not for Bunny and Bruce.
Frasier: Well, with all the rarefied elbows you've been rubbing lately, I'm surprised you could find the time for lunch with a commoner like me.

Roz: Hey, Fras.
Frasier: Oh, hi.
Roz: I'm so sorry about the show. I was a little distracted.
Frasier: Yes, I sensed that when you patched through Wanda, who wanted to know what our soup of the day was.

Frasier: Well, if it's any comfort, Niles has been perfectly insufferable of late. This whole Maris affair has gained him some minor notoriety. He's been flaunting it like a tattered boa. I'm trying to do the right thing and rise above it, of course, but there are times I just want to step on his feet. And hard, too.

Frasier: How do you do?
Denise: Frasier, hi. Well, you are looking very distinguished.
Frasier: Thank you.
Roz: That's code for "old".
Frasier: I know.

Niles: Oh, no, is that Seattle Magazine? I was hoping you hadn't seen it.
Frasier: Seen what?
Niles: Oh, nothing, nothing. It's a silly thing. It's page thirty.
Roz: Oh, it's one of those "What's Hot/What's Not" lists. I love these. "Heirloom Tomatoes - Hot, Sun Dried Tomatoes - Not".
Frasier: Give me that. Uh-huh. "Dr. Niles Crane - Hot, Dr. Frasier Crane..." well, you can see where they're going with this.

Denise: Roz, are you sure this dress didn't fit you? Because I'm just swimming in it.
Roz: [to a passing waiter] Okay, two Bloody Marys, please. And there's a twenty in it for you if one of 'em's poisoned. I don't even care which one.