Frasier: Good morning. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane and it is my great honor to stand before you, my fellow luminaries and welcome you to the Seattle Broadcasting Awards. I hope to do justice to the dignity of this most august occasion.
[A chef steps up and whispers in Frasier's ear]
Frasier: I've been asked to inform everyone that we are running low on sausage. So if you would please limit yourselves to one link or patty. Thank you.
[The band starts playing]
Frasier: I'm not finished.

Denise: This is so terrible.
Roz: I know, I know.
Denise: How would you know what it's like to lose a husband, Roz? You never even had one.
Plum: Accepting the award is Roz Doyle.
Roz: Um, thanks, Plum. Larry couldn't be here today, but if he were here, he would say, um... "Yes! Thank you, God! Yes! This is the best day of my entire life! I've just been waiting for this since I was a little girl. Yes! You have no idea how much this means to me! Yes!"

Plum: And now the nominees for best radio call-in host.
Kenny: Better get ready, Doc. This one has your name on it.
Frasier: Well, it better, because this whole show has been a nightmare. Not that it actually could be a nightmare because it's mid-morning!

Frasier: Don't you dare. You have been monopolizing that man's time all morning.
Niles: You should thanking me for distracting him from this circus.
Frasier: You should talk. You've been the ringmaster of your own media circus for the last week.
Niles: And it's just killing you, isn't it?
Frasier: If you think I am jealous of your tawdry notoriety, then you don't know who I am.
Niles: Just like most of the people in this city!
Frasier: You go too far!

Daphne: It's a pretty lady holding some mail. Oh, you didn't pull that trick again, did you?
Frasier: I have no idea what you're talking about. Step aside! Don't want her to slip it under the door! [opening the door] Hello.
Caroline: Hi. Sorry to disturb you. Some of your mail got mixed in with mine.
Frasier: Oh, dear. How did that happen?
Caroline: I don't know. Some of it just seemed to be jammed in there.
Frasier: Uh, huh. Really, well, we must make allowances for our mailman. He's a veteran.

Caroline: No, your brother. Oh, you're Niles Crane from that big murder case. I saw you on the news.
Daphne: He's been on three times this week. He's practically famous.
Niles: Well, hardly famous.
Frasier: My brother doesn't like to toot his own horn. You know, I was discussing that very personality type today on my very popular radio show.
Caroline: Oh, right, right. Dr. Frasier Crane.
Frasier: Yes.
Caroline: Yes, my mother listens to you.

Frasier: Isn't it nice to know there are still honest people in the world?
Martin: How come your mail never gets mixed up with that sweaty fat guy's upstairs?

Roz: My sister Denise is in town. I hate it when she visits. She isn't happy until she makes me feel completely miserable. Do you know what she called my place? "Cozy."
Frasier: Well, that's a compliment.
Roz: No, it's code for "smaller than hers".

Roz: She wraps every insult up in a compliment, and when I try to call her on it she just says "Hun, I was trying to be nice, you're so sensitive." And of course, everything in her life is so perfect. Her home, her husband, the stretch of highway she keeps clean. She's so competitive.

Denise: I hope this makes it up to you. Now, Roz, I know you love your sports wear, but trust me, men like women who wear dresses once in a while.
Roz: So you've said.