Frasier: Lord, aren't we a pair: a narcoleptic and a weak-willed sexual obsessive. We're like a couple of brothers out of an O'Neill play!

Niles: Frasier is going to kill us. Oh, why did you have to look so damned bewitching all evening?
Lilith: Why did you have to drive me home and walk me to my door?
Niles: Oh, there's no point pointing fingers. We both know why this happened. Last night was simply two wounded people overcome with loneliness, confusion and...
Lilith: Tequila shooters.

Niles: Are we okay?
Frasier: No, we're not ... but we will be.
Niles: Well, that's enough for now. We're an odd little family, aren't we?

Frasier: Good afternoon, Betsy. I'm listening.
Betsy: "Hi, Dr. Crane. My problem is that my husband wants to take me on a cruise for our anniversary."
[Roz holds up a sign reading "Bathroom", but Frasier ignores her]
Frasier: Well, that sounds enchanting.
Betsy: "Yes, except I keep having this dream where I'm in a cabin asleep, and all of a sudden I see a drop of water beginning to leak in and at first it's just a trickle, but then it's a stream, and then it's gushing, pouring water everywhere and there's nothing in the world that I can do to stop the flow".
[Roz rushes to the bathroom]
Frasier: That's a very powerful image, wouldn't you say so, Roz? [sees her leaving] ... Roz agrees.

Lilith: Excuse me, I'm looking for Frasier Crane, they told me he'd be up here.
Roz: Lilith it's me, Roz... Doyle.
Lilith: Oh, yes, Frasier's fun-loving producer... who's apparently having a bit too much fun loving.
Roz: You know, I'd love to send one back at you, but I gotta pee.

Frasier: You know, you really shouldn't be alone tonight. Uh, Niles and I are attending a reception at the Union Club, would you like to join us?
Lilith: Oh thank you Frasier, I'd love to. I don't if I deserve your compassion, but I feel better already just holding your strong comforting hands.
Frasier: You know I'll always be here for you.
Lilith: Oh. I could stay in these arms all day.
Frasier: Uh, yes, well, um, you'll have to excuse me. I have an appointment, station manager, very important,
can't be broken. I'll, um, see you tonight. Bye bye.

Frasier: Now go easy on her. Her husband has left her and, get this, for a man.
Niles: Damn. I owe Dad five dollars.

Niles: Excuse me. [answering his phone] Yes? Damn, it's one of Maris's cadre of lawyers. Uh, we've been over that. No, I can't. How dare you? She already has the house. I'm not even allowed to visit the koi pond. Uh-huh. Uh-huh... [snoring]
Frasier: Niles!
Niles: I'm not even allowed to visit the koi pond.
Frasier: Oh, give me that!

Martin: Hello, Niles.
Niles: Evening, Dad, Daphne.
Frasier: Hello, Niles. Sherry? I think we have time before Lilith arrives.
Martin: What? You never said she was coming up here.
Daphne: You just said you were going to dinner.
Martin: You never said she was coming up here!
Frasier: It's just to rendezvous, it's all of two minutes.
Martin: But you never told me. You've been home an hour and you never told me. Not a word, did he say anything to you?
Daphne: No, nothing. [to Frasier] You could have told us, you know, we could have made plans to be elsewhere.
Martin: Well, how come you didn't know about it? You used to know these things. Whenever she came around you'd get a headache.

Frasier: All right, she's coming. Both of you, suck it up. Lilith has had a devastating week. Her husband has left her. The least you could do is show a little compassion, unless, of course, you'd like to go hide in your rooms because two minutes of polite conversation with a woman in need is too much to ask.
[Doorbell rings]
Martin: Outta my way!
Daphne: Me too!
[Martin drops his cane]
Martin: Leave it!