Frasier: Damn her lily-white hide. She knows what she's doing dressing like that. That woman plays me like a lute. Well, I guess you know a thing or two about that. Look at me, I've got all the resistance of a horny stag.

Niles: Did I do it again?
Frasier: Yes, you fell asleep with your cheek right against the ice tray.
Niles: Oh, that's so strange. I dreamt I was tangoing with Maris.

Niles: [whispering] Who's that?!
Lilith: Don't panic, no one knows we're here.
Niles: I told Frasier I was driving you home.
Lilith: Why did you do a stupid thing like that?
Niles: Well, it wasn't stupid at the time. How did I know the minute we got in this room you'd be on me like a hawk on a titmouse?

Lilith: Wait, take the cart with you.
Niles: Wait! Food in the bathroom?
Lilith: Oh, just go!

Frasier: Oh, drop the mask, Lilith. We both know why you came to Seattle. We both know why you dressed so enticingly last night.
Lilith: Oh, well...
[The toilet flushes.]
Frasier: There's someone in your bathroom?
Lilith: No, it's a defective toilet. It's been doing that all night. I think I'll just go check it right now.
[Lilith goes into the bathroom and finds Niles asleep on the toilet]
Lilith: [whispering] Niles!
Niles: Yes?
Lilith: You fell asleep and flushed the toilet.
Niles: Damn. Is he still here?
Lilith: Yes and he wants to make love to me.
Niles: Does the man have no scruples? He specifically asked me last night to keep him away from you. But the minute my back is turned he sneaks back here- And yes, I'm aware of the irony.

Waiter: [o.s] Room service.
Lilith: Go away!
Waiter: [o.s] But I've got your ketchup, ma'am.
Lilith: Not necessary.
Waiter: [o.s] Okay, but I need the bill.
Lilith: Later.
Frasier: Well, let's just take care of this... [Frasier opens the door]
Waiter: I'm sorry to disturb you, but here's the... [noticing it's a different man] ketchup. Sorry it took so... long. I, er, still need the bill. Where's the cart?
Lilith: In the bathroom.
Frasier: Why is the breakfast cart in the bathroom?
Lilith: Uh. I was going to take a hot bath while I ate.
Frasier: Still, food in the bathroom?

Lilith: I can understand your shock, and believe me, if I could erase everything that happened last night, I would. But, if you could just look at this rationally, just for a moment. We didn't technically do anything wrong.
Frasier: What? You didn't do anything wrong?
Niles: I'm a little unclear on that myself, but I'm willing to go along with it.
Lilith: You and I are no longer married. Neither is Niles. I won't say this is my shining hour, but we are not responsible to you or anyone else for our actions.
Frasier: You're actually defending what you did?
Lilith: Just listen. The past few days have been the worst of my life. I have never been less self-assured, more in need of validation, both as a person and especially as a woman. Niles was feeling the same thing.
Niles: Exactly. Wait a minute...

Lilith: You realize that if you had simply given into me last night instead of this morning, the three of us would not be in this hell.
Frasier: No, it would be the two of us in a whole different hell.

Niles: [on the phone] Well, I don't give a damn. I've been manipulated by you jackals enough. I'll see you in court. The very idea that Maris still thinks she can... Hey, I'm not sleepy. That conversation should have put
me out like a light.
Lilith: Well, it's not surprising. Your experience with Maris has been emasculating. Last night may have gone a long way towards restoring your self-confidence.
Niles: Of course. And by the same token, you can now give up the neurotic assumption that Brian left you because you are unattractive. You have ample evidence to the contrary.
Lilith: Yes, I have. Well, to hell with Brian. If he wants a prissy little wife, he can keep Stan.

Frasier: So, isn't this peachy. Everything's turned out just fine for everyone. You two have solved your problems, the waiter received a handsome tip, Niles and I have matching bathrobes, and looky here. It's not even nine-thirty yet.
Lilith: Frasier, try to understand.
Niles: Yes, what happened last night was just.
Frasier: Oh, stop it, both of you. Enough. It happened, and I'm just going to have to deal with it. I suppose in a twisted way there is one positive for me in this: you see, Lilith, I have never stopped desiring you, even though I know we are completely wrong for each other. But now, from this day forward, whenever I look at you, I will see the back of my brother's head. And that is one bucket of ice water, let me tell you.