Frasier: Hello there. [sits down next to a guy at the counter] Could I buy you a cup of coffee? You see, I'm just a wandering city mouse, trying to get in touch with America. Now, you, you look like you would be a farmer.
Farmer: Oh, I get it. You see a guy in a rural diner wearing shabby clothes and you pin your little label on him. Well guess what, I am a farmer, but I'm also a beautiful, flawed, complicated human being and it's going to take more than a cup of coffee to get inside here.
Frasier: I'll just go see how my father's doing.
Martin: How was he?
Frasier: Beautiful, flawed, unpleasant.

Martin: Ah, being on the road like this, it's like we're three dusty hobos sharing a box-car to parts unknown.
Niles: Yes, well, if you don't take this next turn we'll end up in "Californy."

Niles: By the way, how are we going to explain to the wine club our arriving in a Winnebago?
Frasier: Just chalk it off to whimsy, Niles. We'll call it our "Van Ordinaire".

Frasier: Oh, Niles, I thought you were sleeping.
[Martin laughing]
Niles: I was trying to, but Dad wanted to watch the VCR.
Frasier: Oh, good Lord, not "Robin and the Seven Hoods" again.
[Martin laughs again]
Niles: Worse.
Martin: Yeah, baby. Now, that was a shagadelic flick.
Niles: You know, Dad, if you're quite done, I think I'll try to take a nap.
Martin: Oh, behave.
Frasier: You know, Dad, you do realize that the Austin Powers craze is completely over.
Martin: Well, I'm sorry, do I bore you? Or do I make you randy?

Frasier: [answering his cell phone] Hello. Yes, Niles. I'm driving as smoothly as I can. Any other little driving tips you'd like to give me, [shouting] why don't you just come up here and tell me to my face!

Martin: What looks good to you, Fras?
Frasier: Well, actually, Dad, you know, I think I'll have a hamburger. Would you order that for me, Dad?
Martin: Yeah. You're going some place?
Frasier: As a matter of fact, I am. I'm going to take a chance and reacquaint myself with an old friend of mine, America.

Martin: So at this party tonight, there going to be a lot of shagnificent birds?
Frasier: Dad, I'm begging you.

Martin: All right, Eddie. Let's go sign nature's guest book.

Niles: Put your fears to rest, I've got Dad's Winnebago back.
Frasier: Niles, what on earth are you talking about? You must have had a nightmare.
Niles: Indeed I have, but it's over now and I've managed to give the thugs a taste of their own thieving medicine.
Frasier: [gasps after finding the bedroom empty] Niles! Niles, where are you calling from?
Niles: From behind the wheel of the "Road Warrior". And doing a damn fine job driving, I might add.
Frasier: But I'm in the "Road Warrior". You got in the wrong car, you idiot! You've stolen a Winnebago.
Niles: Don't be absurd. [looking around the cabin at mementos that belong to Clifford and Betty] Oh, my God!

Niles: Hello, Frasier. I managed to solve the problem, I returned the Winnebago.
Frasier: To where? Where are you?
Niles: Well, I'm in Baker City, Oregon.
Frasier: Baker City?
Martin: Shag me rotten. That's three hundred miles.