Niles Quote #851
Quote from Niles in Are You Being Served?
Frasier: I must say, Niles, that is a striking tie you're wearing.
Niles: Thank you. It was a gift from Maris. She had it made for me to commemorate the end of that dreadful winter she had her obesity scare.
Frasier: Oh, yes. I remember her struggle to lose that holiday pound.
Niles: After she'd restored her figure, she had Yoshi set fire to a hippopotamus topiary she felt had taunted her. Then, as a visual reminder never to let herself go again, she had this tie made for me out of the legs of her fat pants.
Features in the collection: The Maris Crane Files.
Frasier Quotes
‘The Maris Crane Files’
Quote from Frasier in The Good Son
Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.
Quote from Niles in The Seal Who Came to Dinner
Niles: Let's get some lights on. [claps]
Frasier: Good Lord, what the hell is that?
Niles: Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper so you can find it in the dark. Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, could never clap hard enough to activate it.
‘Are You Being Served?’ Quotes
Quote from Martin
[Niles is in the bathroom. Frasier talks to him through the door.]
Frasier: Niles, just remember to keep breathing. And trust me, this is not the end. Your life is not over. [silence] Niles. Niles!
[A loud bang is heard from inside the bathroom.]
Frasier: Oh, my God.
[Frasier reluctantly opens the bathroom door. He looks in and sees the door splattered with white foam. Niles emerges covered in the stuff.]
Daphne: Dr. Crane, are you all right?
Niles: I'm fine. Just a little hot. And foamy.
Martin: You know what must have happened? My Hot & Foamy must have exploded.
Daphne: He was a detective, you know!
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Niles? Niles, this painting here in the living room. Have you always had this?
Niles: The one of Maris and me in the garden? Yes, we had it commissioned on our third anniversary.
Frasier: No, no, it must be a different painting. This is Maris next to a really big tree.
Niles: No, there's no tree in that painting, it's... Oh, my God. She's had me completely painted out. I don't think I can take much more of this.
Frasier: In that case, I wouldn't look too closely at the face of that skunk in the flowerbed.
Quote from Niles
Frasier: Now, now, Niles. It's only natural for you to feel a little bit shaky, but believe me, you made the right decision.
Niles: How do I know that?
Frasier: [picking up the journal] Let's just check what prompted us to it. Here: "Niles is incapable of asserting himself, especially in front of females."
Niles: Keep going. This is helping.
Frasier: "As I write this he lies, staring out the window, licking himself."
Niles: What?
Frasier: "He's become so subservient lately that when he's finished grooming himself he often begins licking Frasier."
Niles: I have no memory of that.
Frasier: "April 14th. The day I've dreaded for weeks: Frasier died this morning. I never would have guessed that my heart could ache so over the death of my beloved lab rat. My only consolation is the knowledge that I will soon give birth to my first child."
Niles: Frasier... do you know what this means?
Frasier: Our mother named us after rodents.
Niles: No. It means I have ended my marriage to the woman I love based on the case history of a spineless rat. Oh, my God!