Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Niles: Let's get some lights on. [claps]
Frasier: Good Lord, what the hell is that?
Niles: Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper so you can find it in the dark. Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, could never clap hard enough to activate it.

Daphne: Your son's right. You shouldn't be afraid to shake up your routine a little bit.
Martin: Hey, I don't see you taking any big leaps today.
Daphne: If there was something I wanted to do, I would do it.
Martin: Well, you're always whining about wanting to change your hair.
Daphne: I don't whine!
Martin: "I'm so sick of me hair. Do you think I should get it cut like Princess Di? Ooh, do you think that'd make
me cheeks look too fat? That reminds me of the craziest thing me Grammy Moon used to say!" I'll pay for the damn haircut if you stop yakking and just do it.

Frasier: Roz, it is a wonderful day. You know, I think the entire city of Seattle is convinced it's springtime. I was
walking down the street, I passed a pet store, and in the window I could see two snakes doing a mating dance.
Roz: If you ask me, celebrating a dance that brings more snakes into the world is like toasting a law school graduation.

Frasier: That's it! That's it! I'm not doing the aria.
Roz: What? You're backing out after you made all of us take those stupid leaps?
Frasier: You bet I am! It may be an unwise man who doesn't learn from his own mistakes, but it's an absolute idiot that doesn't learn from other people's!