Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Niles: Let's get some lights on. [claps]
Frasier: Good Lord, what the hell is that?
Niles: Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper so you can find it in the dark. Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, could never clap hard enough to activate it.

Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!

Martin: Look at him, he's humiliated!
[A dog barks from the apartment above]
Daphne: Yeah, well, it doesn't help that that bully upstairs keeps rubbing it in.
[Eddie barks towards the ceiling]
Martin: You tell him, boy!
[Frasier emerges from his bedroom in his dressing gown]
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, I am trying to get some sleep. I asked you to keep that dog quiet, and instead you outfit him with a megaphone!

Frasier: Kate, what a pleasure.
Kate: Likewise. I've been listening to the tapes of all your shows. I love what you're doing.
Frasier: Really? Well, thank you very much. I like to think of my show as a haven for the tempest-tossed in the maelstrom of everyday life.
Kate: Wow. You really talk that way.