Kelly: [to Frasier] Do I smell Hobo Casserole?
Niles: Yes. Close your eyes, it's like you're under a railroad bridge.

Kenny: Hey, doc. Oh, Frasier, I sure wish you hadn't done that little promo.
Frasier: Why? Kelly told me I had the job, her word is good enough for me.
Kenny: I've got some bad news.
Frasier: I knew I couldn't trust that woman, and after I had her to my home for that hillbilly buffet!
Kenny: She's got food poisoning. She'll be laid up for days.
Frasier: Oh, tough blow.

Frasier: But, I'm nothing if not a team player. You know, I'll do the parade myself.
Kenny: Boy, you really know how to land on your feet, doc. But, er, you're still going to have a co-host. Listen, nothing officially yet, but there are a few names that are floating around.
[Frasier looks at the window to the corridor, where a group of women are congratulating Mary. She mouths the words "You and Me" to Frasier and he happily points back.]
Kenny: I'll let you know if I hear anything.

Daphne: Maybe I'll heat up some cider for the parade.
Niles: Oh, sounds good to me. Dad?
Martin: I guess. Parade just won't be the same without Ballantine.
Niles: Is anything the same to you without Ballantine?
Martin: Sure, lots of stuff. ... Nah, not really.

[After opening his Christmas present of a six-pack of Ballantine's]
Martin: Thank you so much. How'd you keep it cold?
Daphne: I hid it in the vegetable crisper. I knew you'd never look there.

Mary: And here comes our first float, Frosty the Snowman.
Frasier: You know, Mary, historically speaking the first float was probably the Trojan horse, which was a gift from the people of Troy. Once brought inside the city walls, however, they discovered it was filled with Greek soldiers, who slaughtered their Trojan enemies in the street. Of course, modern floats have come a long way since then. ... We hope!

Frasier: As you can see,Mary, this enormous stocking is overstuffed with presents.
Mary: Oh, I'd like to tear into one of those gifts right now.
Frasier: Well, not until Christmas morning, Mary. You know, in my house, we don't even shake the boxes.

[After hearing Frasier's line about not opening presents early]
Niles: We're going to need some wrapping paper.
Daphne: There's a couple of rolls in my room.
Martin: I'll get some tape.

Mary: Well, if you want my opinion...
Frasier: No, thank you, Mary. We've been listening to your opinions all night, and frankly there isn't enough room left in our heads for another one, now if you would just get back in...
[Frasier swings out his arm, hitting Santa Claus in the nose with his microphone]
Frasier: I'm so sorry.
Santa: What the hell's wrong with you? Look, I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding.
Frasier: It was an accident.
Santa: I'm feeling dizzy.
Director: Cue the tape. I don't care what tape, find something.
Woman: What's wrong with you? You attacked Santa Claus.
Frasier: Look, it was an accident. Wasn't it, Mary? You saw it.
Mary: Oh, now, you want my opinion. Honey, you're on your own.

Mary: Merry Christmas, Frasier.
Frasier: Merry Christmas, Mary.
Mary: Well, I'm gonna get on out of here, now.
Frasier: Right, right. You know, I'd offer to walk you to your car but there's still some angry parents in the parking lot.