Frasier: Before we begin, I'd like to say how honored I am to be taking over this slot. Obviously, I have some rather big shoes to fill. My predecessor here was much beloved. But I have never been one to shrink from a challenge and I'm sure we'll enjoy many happy years here together in my new home. Now, today on "Medical Minute"... We're going to be tackling the sticky subject of...
Director: Thank you, Dr. Crane, great audition.
Frasier: Really? That's all you need?
Director: I think we have a good idea what you're all about.
Frasier: Excellent.
Director: Uh, we'll be in touch.
Frasier: I'm sure you will.
Director: Next, please!
Frasier: Oh, formalities? Yes, I understand. Perhaps I'll just take a walk around the station. Check out the dressing rooms, introduce myself to a few people. Say, you know, is there a sign-up list for the softball team? I'm sure that Frasier "Slugger" Crane's gonna be an asset to this station in more ways than one.

Martin: Boy, Frasier, you know you've been taking on a lot of big projects lately.
Frasier: Yes, well, Dad, you see, any minute now that phone is going to ring with another job offer and this blessed little hiatus will be over. I want to have achieved as many of my life's ambitions as possible. Gee, Dad, frankly you should take up a project or two.
Martin: Me? What are you talking about? I'm doing stuff all the time. Why, just this weekend I taught Eddie a great new trick.
Frasier: Really?
Martin: Yeah, come on, I'll show you.
Martin: It starts out that I point a gun at him.
Frasier: I like it so far.

Frasier: You see, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately, and last night I ... did something which I haven't done since I was a very little boy. I got down on my knees on the bedside, and I prayed for guidance. And I asked God, "What can I do to get my old life back?" And the answer came, "take better care of your fans."
Martin: ... God told you that?
Frasier: Yes. I have taken my public for granted. I take weeks before I answer my fan mail, if I answer it at all. I've been a bad celebrity. Well, no more.
Martin: I didn't even know you had a fan club.
Frasier: Well, actually, they meet on the internet, and I visited their website yesterday for the first time. Bad celebrity! But I invited them all here, and you know what? They were so grateful that before long - I mean, my God - suddenly they were proposing that they hold a massive rally in my honor, demanding that I return to the airwaves. You know, I think that it's safe to say that someone is already working in mysterious ways.
Martin: Someone sure as hell is.

Frasier: Oh, Daphne.
Martin: What you got there?
Daphne: Oh, just a box of Dr. Crane's publicity photos from the storage cubby.
Frasier: Thank you.
Daphne: This flashlight sure came in handy. Helped me to find that box way up at the top of that old bookcase. And when that thing flew in my hair, I had something to beat it to death with.

Frasier: Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry, I'm going to have to cancel. I've been cooking all morning.
Niles: Oh, what for?
Frasier: Well, actually I'm holding a little picnic for the KACL employees and their families. As you may recall I did get them all fired. [laughs] So, I was just hoping to make amends by serving up a little duck a l'orange and an al fresco mea culpa.
Martin: You know, people like chips at a picnic, too.

Frasier: [oven timer chimes] Oh my God, that's my duck! All right, thank you, Daphne. When you're
done with that, I need you to run some errands for me. I need a very sturdy lemon-zester, some more music paper, some potting soil and an easel.
Daphne: I'd be happy to. [Niles walks into the apartment] And then maybe after that I could draw a bath, strip you naked and scrub you with a loofah. Would that be all right, Dr. Crane?
Niles: Yes.
Daphne: [laughs] Oh, I didn't even see you standing there.

Kenny: Anyway, they were about to paper over your poster, so I peeled it off for you.
Frasier: Well, that is quite a keepsake.
Kenny: Don't mention it. By the way, the poster under yours was an old radio guy. Uh, a Dr. Earl. Who was he again?
Frasier: You know, I'm sorry, I don't recall.
Kenny: Yeah, I'm the same way. Once they're off the air, who remembers?

Martin: I'm not doing this.
Frasier: All right, I'll just have to sing it with Niles later.
Martin: Oh, that'll cheer me up.

Martin: What is all that?
Daphne: Some books Dr. Crane sent for me to get from storage space.
Frasier: It's research I'm doing for a novel I'm planning. Gee, Daphne, I was beginning to wonder what was taking you so long.
Daphne: Well, forgive me, but I did have to move three crates, a rowing machine and a cast-iron bath tub out of the way first.
Frasier: Oh, look at that. The only book I really wanted was in the shelf already. You'll have to take these back down.

Bulldog: Roz, wait till you hear this, I got a job today.
Roz: Oh, my God.
Frasier: Oh, congratulations.
Bulldog: Yeah. You've got to rub me for good luck.
Roz: Where?
Bulldog: Well, start at my knee and work your way up.