Frasier: Just read it. Scott Alexander, what's he been up to?
Daphne: Wife, kids, has his own computer software business.
Frasier: Nancy Kearns.
Daphne: Mother of three, successful physician, has invented a drug that may aid in the treatment of cancer.
Frasier: Ah, a cure for cancer. Won't they be green with envy when I trump them all with this little story of my life: Frasier Crane, unattached, unemployed and living with his father. He spends his days scrubbing his oven and is anxiously awaiting his upcoming tooth cleaning!

Niles: Frasier, are you all right?
Frasier: I was fine before you screamed. What the hell's wrong with you?
Niles: Well, Daphne said you were depressed and here you are with your head in the oven.
Frasier: I was cleaning it, Niles. It's electric. If I was going to end my life I'd choose something quicker than broiling.

Daphne: Am I glad you're home.
Martin: What's wrong?
Daphne: It's Dr. Crane. Ever since he came back from his job interview he's seemed awfully depressed. In fact, he's as bad as I've ever seen him.
Niles: Oh, I guess it didn't go well.
Daphne: I gather not. He mumbled something about it being worse than the Dresden premiere of Schumann's Second Symphony.
Niles: And you left him alone?! [running] Frasier!
Daphne: He's in the kitchen.
[finding Frasier with his head in the oven:]
Niles: Oh, my God!

Frasier: My high-school reunion is tonight. You know my history.
Niles: Oh, not this folderol again.
Frasier: It's not folderol.
Niles: It's folderol.
Frasier: It is not folderol at all. For God's sake, Niles, every time my reunion comes around, it coincides with a severe downturn in my life. Five years ago, Lilith divorced me. Five years before that, I was left at the altar. Five years before that, I fell face first into the poison ivy. And here we are, right on schedule, I'm freshly fired.
Niles: I still don't know why you even went that poison ivy year.

Roz: Well, maybe this time will be different.
Frasier: That's the mistake I always make. Thinking that this year will be different, that I can beat the curse. Well, that's what the curse does, it makes you think you can beat it but you can't. Sorry, Roz, I apologize, I'll make this up to you some day. But right now, I'm going to go down to the store and run a little errand for my friend Eddie. And tonight I'm coming back home and spending the evening with Daphne, doing some light housework and listening to my brand-new book-on-tape: "Depression, Anxiety and Death" as read by the author himself, Stanislav Monk.
Daphne: Now who's cursed?

Frasier: Well, that was something.
Niles: Please, you call that a tantrum? Maris used to do that once a week. The poor thing needed help slamming the door.

[After Niles attempts to add sugar to his coffee, but the loose lid comes off. To a pair of teenage girls laughing:]
Niles: That was a very childish prank. Now you have ruined my coffee. If you can't behave like adults, you shouldn't be coming to a grown-up café.
Girl: It wasn't us!
[Two middle-aged men in suits start laughing at Niles].
Girl: Aren't you going to yell at them?
Niles: I'm sure they've already heard me yell at you.

Frasier: Niles, thank you for agreeing to meet me on such short notice, I swear I am in a full-blown crisis.
Niles: If you are talking about that garish belt, I have emergency suspenders in my car.

Frasier: I swear to God, I feel like I have a curse on my head.
Niles: Frasier, you are a man of science. You know curses don't exist. There's a perfectly rational explanation for all of this. You tripped and fell into the poison ivy. Your radio station changed formats. Your wife didn't love you.
Frasier: If this is a pep talk, would you kindly segue way to the peppy part?

Niles: So stop doubting yourself. You deserve that job, so go out there and get it. In an hour's time it'll be yours, and after a short trip to the store to return that belt, you will thoroughly enjoy your reunion.
Frasier: Well, you're right, Niles. I should think positively. This interview is going to go just fine and so will this evening. All I have to do now is get a date. Where the hell am I going to find a woman who's so desperate for an evening out she'd agree to go to someone else's reunion?
Roz: [enters] Hello, Frasier.
Niles: See, your luck's changing already.