Frasier: Oh, by the way, I've invited Roz Doyle to join us. She's my producer over at the radio station. She had no plans this evening. You know, I think the poor thing has a hard time meeting men.

Frasier: Dad, I bought you these headphones, so that I wouldn't be subjected to your sports drivel. Please put them on.
Martin: All right, I will. But only if you say it.
Frasier: I want you to wear those headphones!
Martin: I don't know why you care, you're just going to be out riding on that stupid parade float.
Frasier: The KACL Fourth of July float is not stupid! Unless you think it is stupid to commemorate a hardy band of revolutionaries, their minds ablaze with...
Martin: [putting on the headphones] Hey, you're right. This does cut out all the drivel!

Frasier: Oh hey, Daph. My God, you look hideous.
Daphne: Thank you. Now I wouldn't normally wear polyester on the hottest day of the year, but some English friends of mine are having an Ugly American party in honor of the Fourth. [adopting her American accent] We're gonna toss back a couple a' cold brewskis, watch the ball game, and not use the metric system.

Frasier: Oh, hello, Niles.
Niles: Ah, there are the merry bachelors in their swinging new pad!
Frasier: Where's Maris?
Niles: Uh, she's taken to her bed. This large-earring fad has compressed her spine.

Frasier: Anyway, would you care for a scotch, Niles?
Niles: Uh, yes. Actually, I'm in a sherry mood tonight.
Frasier: Sherry? What an intriguing idea. I think I could scare up a bottle of sherry.

Martin: [answering Roz's phone] Well, thank you. You've got a nice, deep voice too. Uh, oh, I don't know. Uh, brown pants and a plaid shirt. Hello? Hello?

Daphne: You're a bit dressed up for a family dinner.
Frasier: Oh well, Roz is dropping by with someone she wanted me to meet.
Niles: Ooh, a lady friend?
Frasier: No, we're going to form a jazz trio, Niles. Of course it's a lady friend, you cherry-faced fool.

Frasier: Well, I guess we can stop shaking hands now.
Lizbeth: Oh well, I'm ready whenever you are.
Frasier: Well, then just let go.
Lizbeth: I did, you're holding on to me.
Frasier: What? Oh, dear. Dad, what kind of glue were you using on that pot?
Martin: Super.

Lizbeth: How could you be so stupid as to glue us together? [to Roz] I thought you said he was smart.
Niles: Don't panic. I seem to recall that-that superglue can be dissolved with acetone. You know, nail polish remover.
Daphne: He's the smart one. How did you know that?
Niles: I knew that from, uh... from school.
Frasier: School lunches. The Kriezel brothers used to glue a cafeteria tray to his tie.

Lizbeth: That's close enough. Could you maybe put on some music?
Frasier: Dad, could you put on some music, please?
Martin: Yeah, sure. Uh, what do want, pop, big band-?
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, just turn the damn thing on!