Niles: Evening, Daphne.
Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, don't say anything about last night's boxing match. Your dad hasn't seen it yet.
Niles: Oh, I didn't even know it was boxing season.

Frasier: Hello, Niles. You know, it's not to late to ask them to put a big blue ball in front of your face during the broadcast. Perhaps spare you some shred of your reputation.
Niles: I'd laugh in your face but I'm saving my voice.

Martin: You're gonna help sell that poor old guy down the river?
Niles: Not at all. Mr. Safford is unbalanced. His son is worried sick about him.
Martin: Oh, his son's worried he's not gonna get his hands on his father's fortune. Boy, the minute a man starts getting up there his kids start making plans to divvy up his stuff.
Frasier: Dad, you'll be pleased to know that Niles and I have decided to give all your things to charity. We're donating your clothes to the blind.

Daphne: Old age doesn't have to be that way, you know. My great-aunt Beryl lived well into her nineties, and her mind never failed her. Of course, she lost her eyesight in her seventies, and her balance in her eighties. By the end we spent most of our time propping her up or putting another bandage on her forehead. Oh, but bless her heart, she could always tell you just how it happened.

Martin: Well, I still think picking on the old man stinks. [Gets up to grab a potato chip] God help you if you're over fifty and you do anything that seems the least bit odd to your family. [After Eddie runs up to him, Martin starts making a high-pitched wailing sound]

John Giroux: Won't you at least talk to my client? Judge him by his words and his actions, not by how old he is?
Frasier: You sound like my father, a man who believes that burial is a form of age discrimination.

John Giroux: There's a lot you don't know about him, Dr. Crane. That's why you're here.
Frasier: Yes, well, I promise to consider all the evidence before I arrive at a conclusion.
[A well-dressed, elderly man slides down a fire pole]
Mr. Safford: Yee-haw.
Frasier: I think I've arrived.

Mr. Safford: So, do you think you can convince my self-righteous son that I'm not nuts?
Frasier: Oh, I think "nuts" is a little strong. You must admit that your behavior might seem to most people to be a little unconventional.
Mr. Safford: Well, good. I've spent my whole life being conventional. Then one day I said to myself, "Harlow, you're not having any fun."
Frasier: Do you speak to yourself often?
Mr. Safford: Don't try to trip me up, Sparky.

Martin: Why are you walking funny?
Frasier: Well, suffice it to say I learned today it is unwise to slide repeatedly down a fire pole wearing woolen trousers.

Niles: It's right there.
Daphne: Oh. "Court TV this week will feature the capacity hearing of noted timber baron Harlow Safford. Testifying on behalf of the family will be Dr. Niles Crane, eminent psychiatrist, author and leading authority on
clinical psychosis. Dr. Crane is also the brother of-"
Niles: Yadda-yadda, the rest is filler.