Daphne: Oh, Martin, look at you. Sitting in your chair all sour and grumpy.
Ronee: You must be drunk in this picture, Niles. You've got your arm around a floor lamp.
Niles: Oh, no, that's Maris in her Easter hat.

Frasier: This is the most difficult part of the process. I am using a technique known as behavioral exposure therapy. Climb higher, Ever higher, conquer your fear!
Janelle: Wow, Frasier Crane in action.
Frasier: No, please. No peeking! You don't want to cause a setback.
[After Niles puts the medal back in its place, he slips off the ladder and is hanging from the shelf by his fingertips]
Frasier: Everybody freeze! This is the moment of truth. I haven't done this since my days in med school.
[As everyone looks away, Frasier walks over to Niles, seats him on his shoulders and carries him over to the crowd]
Frasier: Hurrah! He's done it! He's conquered all three!

Opal: What are you doing?
Frasier: Well, you as an athlete should know the time-honored tradition of hoisting the victor on one's shoulders.
Opal: They never did that to me.
Frasier: Well, you finished third, didn't you?

Frasier: Oh, Niles! Thank God you've come quickly. I've been going mad.
Niles: This better be a real emergency, Frasier. You pulled me away from the Gifted Infants Toy Expo.
Frasier: Yes, yes. You missed out on buying a Tickle Me Tolstoy doll.

Niles: Good heavens, what have you done?
Frasier: I'll tell you. But before you judge me, Niles, please, remember how much stress I've been under lately.
Niles: Of course. Tell me everything. Leave nothing out.
Frasier: All right. It was a dark and stormy day...
Niles: You can leave that out.

Frasier: All right. It was an average day, marred only by a persistent cough caused by a barista's over-nutmegging my machiatto.

Daphne: Why are you all hunched over in this one?
Niles: Uh...
Daphne: You were looking at my bum, weren't you?
Niles: Oh, heavens, no!
Daphne: Oh, it's all right, Niles, we're married now.
Niles: All right, yes. I might once in a moment of weakness have permitted myself a fleeting glance. [she hands him another photo] Or twice. [another] Many, many times.
Daphne: It's all about the rear with you, isn't it?
Niles: Oh, no, darling...
Daphne: No, seriously. [turning around] What color are my eyes?
Niles: Um...
Daphne: You're looking at it again, aren't you?

Martin: Boy, you look at these pictures, you can really see how far we've all come.
Ronee: Oh, I'll say, you were such an old sourpuss and [to Niles] you with the crypt keeper there, and [to Frasier] you... Well, God, you haven't changed a bit. You're even wearing the same jacket that you wore in this picture.
Frasier: Hardly the same, I've had it relined.

Daphne: Well, come on, Niles, we should be heading off to the baby show.
Niles: Oh, right.
Daphne: If we're lucky, we might get a lead on a nanny.
Martin: Oh, well you know, there are ads in the back of that Seattle Weekly.
Ronee: Just make sure you look in the right section. If she says she's got her own toys and is willing to spank, she may not be a nanny.

Roland: What are you doing?
Niles: I, uh...
Frasier: Uh, I can tell from the panic in my brother's voice that he must have seen a spider. You see, he has a crippling fear of spiders, and it sent him up the ladder.
Niles: Yes, I hate spiders.
Sarah: I don't see a spider. Come back down.
Frasier: No!
Roland: Why not?
Frasier: Because he also has a crippling fear of heights. And this may be just the breakthrough we've been looking for. Higher, Niles! Conquer your fear! Please, everyone, I'm going to have to ask you to turn around, as his fear of crowds has set in.
Sarah: Crowds, too?
Frasier: Yes, you are looking at that rarest of beasts, the arachno-acro-agoraphobe. Please, avert your eyes.