Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Niles: Let's get some lights on. [claps]
Frasier: Good Lord, what the hell is that?
Niles: Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper so you can find it in the dark. Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, could never clap hard enough to activate it.

Frasier: This is the most difficult part of the process. I am using a technique known as behavioral exposure therapy. Climb higher, Ever higher, conquer your fear!
Janelle: Wow, Frasier Crane in action.
Frasier: No, please. No peeking! You don't want to cause a setback.
[After Niles puts the medal back in its place, he slips off the ladder and is hanging from the shelf by his fingertips]
Frasier: Everybody freeze! This is the moment of truth. I haven't done this since my days in med school.
[As everyone looks away, Frasier walks over to Niles, seats him on his shoulders and carries him over to the crowd]
Frasier: Hurrah! He's done it! He's conquered all three!

Opal: What are you doing?
Frasier: Well, you as an athlete should know the time-honored tradition of hoisting the victor on one's shoulders.
Opal: They never did that to me.
Frasier: Well, you finished third, didn't you?

Frasier: Oh, Niles! Thank God you've come quickly. I've been going mad.
Niles: This better be a real emergency, Frasier. You pulled me away from the Gifted Infants Toy Expo.
Frasier: Yes, yes. You missed out on buying a Tickle Me Tolstoy doll.