Frasier: Admit it, Niles. It's intoxicating, isn't it? Don't you feel the tingle running down your spine?
Niles: In a minute, it's going to be running down my inseam. Hurry up.

[As Niles attempts to put the medal back in its place:]
Frasier: You know, before we take the picture, I have a little story I'd like to tell that just may rival that Hitler tale. The place was right here. The time was this afternoon. Opal had just set out a lovely service of tea and a plate of sweets. I remember there were three cookies sitting on the plate, and I reached for... the LEFT one. Not the CENTER one, the LEFT one. And just at the same moment, Opal reached for the very same cookie, and, oh, what did you say? Oh, it was priceless.
Opal: I said, "You take it."
Frasier: Ha! Right off the top of her head.

Frasier: Oh, hey, Dad, I didn't know you guys were here. Where's Ronee?
Martin: Oh, she's in bed waiting for me. Hey, Fras, you know what, she can't see a thing without her contacts. Why don't we play a little joke on her? You tiptoe in...
Frasier: No, Dad, I'll pass.

Frasier: Niles, my problem is more important than that. You see, I've... Oh, dear God. Niles, I've committed a crime!
Niles: Don't tell me. You forgot to send the opera board a thank you note for the Christmas brickle.

Frasier: Go ahead, Babette. What can I do for you?
Babette: "Well, Dr. Crane. For about a year now, I've been stealing. I get these uncontrollable urges to take things."
Frasier: Such as? [coughing]
Babette: "All kinds of things. Magazines from stores, a friend's sunglasses... things I don't even want."
Frasier: [coughing] I see, um... [clearing his throat] Go on.
Babette: "It's so unlike me. I mean, my friends think I'm dull. They all say 'Babette, you're like an old shoe.' But stealing is so exciting. It's really the only time I feel alive."
Frasier: Well, it sound to me like you have a classic case of klepto... [coughing] klepto...
Roz: Kleptomania. Hi, Babette, this is Roz. And if Dr. Crane weren't hacking up a hairball, I'm sure he would tell you that this thrill you get from stealing makes up for an emptiness in your life. That's the problem you really need to address. So you should seek counseling, or at least find a support group.
Frasier: Yes, and may I add...
Roz: She's gone and we're out of time.
Frasier: Oh, well then, this is Dr. Frasier Crane saying "Good day, Seattle," and "Good mental health."

Roz: Are you okay? I haven't heard so much coughing since I was backstage at Reggae Sunsplash.

Frasier: Your advice was spot on.
Roz: It should be. I've heard you say the same stuff for ten years now. "Confront your emotions", "communicate", "seek counseling."
Frasier: I didn't realize my advice had become so predictable.
Roz: Well, it's not your fault everyone calls with the same dumb-ass problems.
Frasier: They're not the same problems. What about that caller last week, the sleepwalking transvestite who kept breaking off his heels in sewer grates?
Roz: Yeah, I remember him. You told him to seek counseling.
Frasier: Yes, I also told him to wear flats.

Frasier: Oh, no, no it's perfectly understandable, and now that I know that this is your Audi, let me be the first to say "Audi, neighbor!"

Frasier: You know, perhaps in the spirit of détente, I could, uh, buy you some coffee?
Willa: Oh, well, that is so sweet of you, but I can't right now.
Frasier: Oh, well, perhaps tomorrow?
Willa: Uh, no tomorrow's no good either.
Frasier: Next week, perhaps?
Willa: Next week, uh, I'll be out of town.
Frasier: You know, I'm-I'm not sure if we're having a devil of a time coordinating our schedules or you're just giving me a polite brush-off.
[Willa says nothing while remotely unlocking her car with her keys]
Frasier: OK, now I'm sure.

Opal: Frasier. I heard the elevator, and I thought, "I bet that's Frasier," and it is.
Frasier: How are you, Mrs. Magrini?
Opal: Oh, just grand, and how many times do I have to ask you to call me Opal? You make me feel like an old woman.
Frasier: Opal, then. Lovely to see you again.
Opal: Some weather!
Frasier: Yes, it's just awful.
Opal: Oh, it's blowing a gale.
Frasier: Yes, it's quite a storm.
Opal: And colder than a well-digger's wallet.
Frasier: Yes, that's quite apt.