Daphne: Oh. Good morning, Dr. Crane. Sorry I overslept. Well, time we all got our day started. I'll just clear these dishes away.
Martin: Wait, I wasn't finished with that yet.
Daphne: [dropping Martin's long john into his orange juice] Whoops. Sorry about that.
Frasier: Daphne, I wasn't quite finished with that toast either.
Daphne: Oh, now, we can't have you running off to your squash game on a full stomach.
Frasier: Yes. How many championship matches have been marred by the heartbreak of toast cramps?

Frasier: Daphne and Joe are having sex in my apartment and it leaves me in a rather awkward position.
Roz: Doing what? Bending over to look through the keyhole?

Daphne: Don't you have that doctor's appointment?
Martin: Yes, but it's not for 20 minutes yet. What's going on here? Why are you giving us the bum's rush?
Daphne: Bum's rush! Oh, I just love the American vernacular. So cute. So quick. So long!

Frasier: Niles, I just think you're overreacting.
Niles: Oh wait, wait. I know what happened. My invitation just got lost in the mail. No, it's not so far fetched. It could have been missorted, or a stamp could have fallen off, or it could have been stolen by my mail carrier. Ho-downs are catnip to postal workers.

Frasier: All right, I moved your damn chair. The way you have it turned ruins the symmetry of the room. The sight line loses all flow.
Martin: Oh, the sight line. And here I thought it was for some dumb reason.

Niles: Well, Dad was right. They are my real friends. It was all just a misunderstanding. Apparently, the social chairman's dog ate my invitation. And the poor animal had to go to the vet and with all the confusion they forgot to send me another. And, when I offered my new address for next year's party, they said, "No need. We'll see you around."
Martin: I'm going to start wearing sweat pants. That damned drier again. Hey, you guys want some cookies? They're reduced fat.
Frasier: Really? That means we can eat twice as many.

Niles: Where's your phone?
Martin: It's in my bedroom.
Frasier: Where else would it be? And Dad's electric shaver is in the kitchen. You see, all our appliances are on an adventure this weekend.

Frasier: Good morning.
Martin: Maybe for you. I just spent five minutes trying to button these pants. That stupid dryer shrunk another pair on me. [Martin eats a long john]
Frasier: Dad, before you blame the dryer, have you ever considered stepping on the old bathroom scales?
Martin: Oh, what's the point? That thing's been ten pounds off for weeks.

Frasier: Well, let's just say that I'm sitting there listening to music, reading a book, and Daphne and Joe are "back there."
Roz: So?
Frasier: Well, it just makes me uncomfortable. I'm going to ask Daphne not to sleep with Joe in the house anymore. Is that too...?
Roz: Amish?
Frasier: I was going to say selfish.
Roz: Oh, let's see. "Please, Daphne. Don't have sex, it disturbs my reading." No, that's not too selfish.

Martin: You've been leaving lights on in the apartment all weekend. You know what that does to the electric bill?
Frasier: As opposed to that nuclear power plant they had to build to keep that television on day and night?